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Diana Rene: 0:06

You're listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast, a podcast built specifically for busy moms by a busy mom. I'm your host, Diana Rene, and in 2017, I had my second daughter and it felt like I was literally drowning in my home okay, not literally, but I felt like I couldn't breathe with all of the stuff surrounding me. Over the next 10 months, I got rid of approximately 70% of our household belongings and I have never looked back. I kind of feel like I hacked the mom system and I'm here to share all the tips, tricks and encouragement. Let's listen to today's show. All right, so I have Alex here with me, who is a member of the program, and she just recently joined. Right, Alex? Yep, yep, I'm a newbie, and when did you join?

Alex: 1:01

the program. Um, I would say maybe a month ago, four or five weeks.

Diana Rene: 1:07

Are you doing the 10 week member challenge at all? I'm attempting to do the 10 week.

Diana Rene: 1:14

So, uh, if you're listening, the 10 week member challenge is basically a uh, just as it sounds 10 weeks to go through the program together as a group, because it's a self-paced program and anyone who joins can go through at any pace. Some people go through, okay, Alex, one time we had someone going to go through the entire thing in two days, like a Saturday and Sunday. They rented a dumpster, she had three teenage kids and she like was like everybody's staying home all weekend until this is done, so that like encouraged the teenage kids to like go as quick as possible. But that's not normal. I would say like average is like three to four months ish for people to go through the program.

Diana Rene: 2:01

But it's self-paced on purpose because everybody has different amounts of clutter, everyone has different amounts of time available to them. But there was like a missing link where some people just really wanted more accountability and like going through it together. So we introduced this 10 week members only challenge and we are constantly tweaking it. But it's hard to find a pace that works for everyone involved. It's either too slow or too fast for someone you know in the group. So, okay, first I want to ask you what made you join the five-day challenge, so the free five-day challenge.

Alex: 2:40

So I have a friend who is a member and she's already kind of been through the program and so and she's been telling me about it for a while and trying to get me like going and inspired, and so obviously January 1st, New Year's resolution type time I saw the five day challenge pop up and I thought, oh, I, totally, five days, I can do that. So I joined and within the first day well, I'm kind of an all or nothing. So the first day I did the five day challenge. I also just bought the whole program because I knew I was, I wanted to so but the five day challenge is what I started with.

Diana Rene: 3:22

Okay, so you had a friend that was already in the program. Yeah, so she obviously had some success with it, or oh, yeah, yeah, great. Okay, so did you do the five day challenge then, or did you just like jump right in and start the program?

Alex: 3:38

No, I actually just did the five day challenge first because it was small and attainable and I knew like I wanted to dive in. But I also know that like that's not doable for my family craziness. So I have the program. I haven't really truly started the program until the 10 week started. So that's kind of where I'm at and you have how many kids I have three kids, seven, five and six months

Diana Rene: 4:07

Can you just share with me a little bit more about your, your home, your family, how it functions currently or before starting the program?

Alex: 4:18

Yeah, so my husband and I both work from home. I always worked from home before COVID and then, because of COVID, my husband got the choice and so he's in the basement. I'm on the first floor. We have three kids. It's a blessing that the seven and five-year-old are now both in a five-day week school program. Before that, my house was just falling apart constantly. Yeah, um, my seven-year-old is very organized and very good at picking up. My five-year-old is just a bull in a China shop, a tornado, whatever you want to call it. Um, she just likes to try things for fun. So, like, what happens if I pour this water on the floor? Um, it's a second child syndrome.

Diana Rene: 5:03

right, yeah, this water on the floor.

Alex: 5:04

It's like a second child syndrome. Right, yeah, and I'm in our house too, yes, and then, of course, now we have a baby and she's very easygoing, wonderful, so that's cool. She just kind of chills and she's kind of by my side all the time currently, so she's home with me all day and I just went back to work two weeks ago.

Diana Rene: 5:22

Okay, how's that going with working from home with?

Alex: 5:25

It's interesting. I I've worked from home with kids, like I said, since before COVID, so I I have a decent idea of how to do it. Um, if you ignore your kids enough, they kind of just become self-sufficient At least I joke about that but um, it's not too bad. But obviously now I have three, so really the hardest part about working from home is just the routine of, like, getting kids to and from school and activities, feeding the baby every two to three hours and then trying to get work done in between. So it's, it's been an interesting ride the last two weeks, but thankfully we're slow, so I don't have too many projects and I'm I'm learning the balance, the new balance.

Diana Rene: 6:08

That's good. You can ease into it a little bit. Yeah, and as far as clutter, how would you describe your home?

Alex: 6:18

So I would say I mean, if we're like a scale of one to 10, I mean I wouldn't say that like every room is packed full of stuff. Some rooms are clearer than others, but there's three to four rooms that are just disasters all the time. So my office is always just it collects stuff because it's right when you walk in the door to the right, right and it's open space, there's no door, so returns go there, packages go there, my kids' stuff and random stuff and toys go there. It's very hard to keep that clean. And then we to the left of it used to be the dining room which we converted into like a kid's space because of COVID, and so that becomes very messy very quickly because kids and play and stuff.

Alex: 7:06

So those two rooms are always a disaster. The kitchen isn't too bad, honestly, it just gets messy with dishes. But then the basement my husband has an office. I have a craft room which really just looks like a storage room, which really just looks like a storage room. That is the worst spot in the house by far. And then we have a really nice big basement with a TV and a couch and toys everywhere. So you know I would say that that one's a pretty cluttered area too.

Alex: 7:49

Okay and just being in your home, especially because you are home so much, working from home, your husband's working from home. How do you think the clutter affects you either emotionally, mentally, and so learning what that is has been a huge game changer. In general, it explains a lot of why the clutter sometimes is clutter. I have a hard time with those executive functions of laundry and pickup and home systems. I'm great at work because I can hyper focus, but at home everything just kind of falls apart. So that's been a big big thing and because of that and because it's a mess, it is so stressful. I mean even my workspace it gets full of stuff and it absolutely gets in the way of just the way I feel when I'm working. Normally I just like work through it, but it's not a good work day. It doesn't feel good. I just feel like not only my cramming work in but I'm also cramped in the space.

Diana Rene: 8:49

Yeah, I think that, uh, so I was diagnosed with ADHD last year also and I'll be 39 in a few months, Um, and I think it's like it's unfair when it comes to ADHD, because it's like, uh, when you have ADHD it's harder to declutter or live clutter free, but it also affects you more to live with clutter, right, Because it affects your executive function even more than than a average person.

Diana Rene: 9:18

And I also just find it really fascinating that I know that a lot of women are being diagnosed now, like after they have kids and they're in their thirties or forties, because in the eighties it was like, you know, if you weren't a hyperactive boy bouncing off the wall and getting in fights, then you didn't have ADHD, Right.

Diana Rene: 9:39

But I also find it fascinating We've had so many members come into the program that have told me that they are recently diagnosed ADHD and I'm like, oh my gosh, it's like this little sub community of the program. And for me, when I was saying I think I've said this on the podcast before, but when I was diagnosed with ADHD, the psychiatrist was like you know what the very first thing I tell people to go do is to go declutter, and I think you have like kind of been self-medicating without realizing that's what you were doing. But again, it's a double-edged sword, because it's harder to do when you do have ADHD. As you've been going through the program I know you've been going through the 10-week challenge. What are some things that you maybe some wins that you've had or some things that you have realized as you've been going through the process?

Alex: 10:32

Well, the biggest win is I'm already feeling the effects of of just life being better. Yeah, I mean I could even get emotional about that. There's been a few nights where after dinner we just played a board game with my seven-year-old and I usually feel like I can't do that. My husband will play with them, but I usually have so many things on my plate to do that I have so much anxiety I can't do any of it. When it stacks up to that much laundry, dishes, work, homework, all those things, it's like I freeze like a deer in headlights. So taking a few of those things off my plate, it just allowed me to go. Wait, I don't have anything to do right now. I can sit down, I can play with my kid, that's. And seeing you on Instagram you like your posts about that, about spending time with your kids that's really the biggest inspiration for why I joined the program to begin with.

Diana Rene: 11:26

Okay.

Alex: 11:28

So that was a big win. What was the second part of the question?

Diana Rene: 11:31

Just like anything that you've realized about living like in a home that has less clutter versus before.

Alex: 11:38

Right. So it's because I'm already feeling the effects. It kind of shows us, like what we were missing, like the difference on how I feel now versus how I felt before. Even my husband is noticing like, wow, you seem better and I'm just so happy that the house is better, that it's just. It's like it's hitting all kinds of categories. Playing with kids yes, that's great, my own personal happiness Great. But like the marriage is even better because now my husband's happier and he's not as anxious about all the to do's either, and he's he's starting to get on board with like decluttering too, which is great. And I just realized I've also. I've also realized that it's hard to get rid of some things and it slows me down. There's, you know, again being like a hyper focus, like I'm going to do all of this today and ignore everything else. That's great. But then when you hit that point, you're like, oh, I don't, I'm just pushing stuff around because I'm not actually getting rid of it.

Diana Rene: 12:46

Yeah, that's been a huge eye-opener, yeah absolutely Going back to what you said about like improving your marriage. I find that happens a lot with members of the program. It's like an un it's it's a non-anticipated outcome Like they, you know, people join the program because they don't want to spend as much time cleaning and they just want their house to be, be look nicer. And then once they start doing it, it's like oh, this like affects so many different areas of my life in a positive way and I think, as far as like marriage goes, it just takes away a lot of tension.

Diana Rene: 13:26

And I know for us, for my husband and I, prior to decluttering it was like there always was that like hanging cloud over us, right, like who's going to do this? Why is this a mess? Why isn't this being taken care of On top of all of the normal stresses of everyday life and parenting and work and things like that. So I love that you are starting to see some of the positive outcomes from that. Was your husband resistant? Is he someone who likes to hold on to things or is he? I always find it fascinating that you know that dynamic.

Alex: 14:02

Actually he, he's a very clean, tidy person in general. Um, actually he, he's a very clean, tidy person in general. Um, and I'm blessed that he also like pitches in all over the house. Um, I mean, there's some categories I don't let him touch, like the way I fold the laundry. So he does his own laundry and I do everybody else's. But you know he is definitely a collector, like he has his own hobbies in his office that he collects. But he also lets go to like he'll sell and collect more and he kind of rotates. He can emotionally detach and let things go a lot easier than I can, you know. And the biggest test was you know, hey, we're going to do the linen closet or the coat closet. You have 15 coats in here that you have collected because you love coats and shoes, and he cut it in half. I was so proud of him. Yeah, where do you live? We're in Westland Michigan, which is outside of Detroit.

Diana Rene: 15:02

Yeah, okay, I thought you were going to be like well, we live in Florida.

Alex: 15:07

No, yeah, we definitely need coats, we just don't need that many.

Diana Rene: 15:10

Yeah, very cool. I'm from Michigan originally.

Alex: 15:13

I don't know, yeah, yeah.

Diana Rene: 15:15

Yeah, so I'm familiar with the area. And it's so funny because when I moved to Colorado it was God, I think 16 years ago now and I moved out and all my like coworkers were like get ready, like it's super nice. I moved in July and they're like it's really nice now, but like the winter is really rough and it's hard, and I was like okay, and you know, like we're at the base of the Rocky mountain, so I'm like anticipating this like terrible winter and then, I like it came and went and I was like what is this?

Diana Rene: 15:45

This is not winter. Like it's snow, because here it snows and then the sun comes out, so it all melts and I'm like, listen, you guys, in Michigan it snows, and then they just plow it to the side, and then it snows some more and they plow, and then you have like this big gray mountain of snow. Like you might not see the sun for three months. You just have to be okay with that, right so? But 15 coats is a little bit much, even for Michene, I agree.

Alex: 16:16

It probably wasn't 15, but it seems like 15.

Diana Rene: 16:18

Yeah, so he's starting to notice some changes. How are your kids doing with the changes starting?

Alex: 16:26

to notice some changes. How are your kids doing with the changes? I don't know if it's kicked in for them just yet because we haven't gotten to toys yet, but I have plans and I'm really excited to get to the toys because I fully, fully am on board with it and I do understand how kids play better with less and I was that type of pre-mom where I'm like I'm just gonna have a few things and then they're gonna make believe and this and that and the other. But my husband and I love toys, like love them, and then we also live vicariously through our kids. So we buy all of it. We buy everything because we just we want to and we can't help ourselves. So I'm on board with it. But I also know we have a lot to get rid of.

Alex: 17:13

But the one thing that has that was a big change for them really, really quickly was we took a corner in that sort of old dining room play area and I bought a coat rack. Before we didn't have anything and so when they get home from school they would literally throw stuff everywhere, which is a direct line of walking from, you know, the front door to the kitchen. So now they it's like the routine is like no, you don't leave the room until your shoes are on the rack and your book bag is hung on a hook, and so it's your coat coat, and that's been great because they're sticking to it. Um, yeah, I mean, the five-year-old needs to be reminded and she needs a little help because the hooks are a little bit too high for her. But I don't mind. As long as she recognizes that I need to do this, I have no problem like hanging it for her, but if she just throws it on the floor and runs off like I go find her, yeah, yeah, absolutely Okay.

Diana Rene: 18:12

So there's two things I want to go over here. I want to talk about that, but I want to first talk about what you said about toys, because this is something I find happens all the time, that parents don't recognize it. So I love that you recognize it.

Diana Rene: 18:25

I think toys for so many people are hard to get rid of for their kids because of their own feelings about those toys. Like if kids just walked into a room and 75% of their toys are gone, they may be like, oh, where's that? They may like be upset about a couple of things, but for the most part they'd be like, whoa, it's clean and I get to play with this, and like it's like an exciting thing, right, and then they're good with the toys that they have. But it's like it's it's the moms that are like okay, like I really want to declutter, I'm really in it, I'm going to do this, but like this toy is so, like this should be so fun and like, or this was like kind of expensive, or like, oh, they played with this toy, like at Mimi's house before you know, like all that, like you attach the memories to it and it's hard for moms to let go.

Alex: 19:17

Well, and it's like a three category thing it's we came from the Beanie Baby collection craze, came from the beanie baby collection craze, and also toys right now are marketed towards adults collecting, like mini brands and and all the blind boxes like they're. They know what they're doing and it's hitting adults more than kids, I think. So there's like that category of collections and having to finish the collections, maybe because our parents didn't allow us to. Then there's there's the oh my gosh, I have to buy this giant Barbie dream house because I would have killed for that when I was a kid. And then you end up with all these giant like play sets. And then there's the, the other one which is nostalgia, like oh, you know, yeah, they played with this at so-and-so's house, I have to keep it. Or this one came from grandma, we have to keep it.

Diana Rene: 20:06

Um, yeah, yeah, I totally agree and and yeah, I think it is like something that that we as adults have to go through and like realize like this is actually like 90% an adult issue that we have to work through. It's funny you say that, though, because I'm totally the mom that buys Lunchables for my kids for lunch, because my mom wouldn't do it Like I. Always I was like why, and she's like it's a waste of money, I'll buy like ham and cut it up and I'm like but that's not the same thing. So now I'm like buying Lunchables every week and I'm like okay, this is kind of ridiculous.

Alex: 20:42

Oh man, I eat Lunchables every week.

Diana Rene: 20:46

And I'm like I'm like secretly deep down If my mom's listening to this like okay, this is a way. It's like $7 for a Lunchable. Now, Like, yeah, yeah, it's ridiculous, it's like $2 worth of food, but I don't care, it comes in a little package. But going back to what you're saying about the hooks for like the coats and the backpacks and things like that, we had a command center in our old house and then we moved and this house I'm having a really hard time figuring out the best location for it. And finally I got to a point two days ago where I was like I just need to pick somewhere and if it's the wrong place, then we'll deal with it later. But like it's driving me nuts because they would walk in the door. They would the wrong place, then we'll deal with it later. But like it's driving me nuts because they would walk in the door, they would just drop things and then, like we would all trip over them every day, going over them.

Diana Rene: 21:34

And so I created like a little area and all I did was put two hooks on the wall and like put a little spot for them to put their shoes, and when they came home from school you would have thought I bought them like the best toy ever, you know Cause they were like oh, this is so cool, we could hang our stuff here and this will be the great spot.

Diana Rene: 21:50

And I'm like, okay, I, it's just a reminder that kids love like being. They love a tidy, clean, organized area and if they can have like a routine that they are in charge of, they love it too. Like we have clipboards with our afterschool checklist and like the fact that they each get their own clipboard and their own little dry erase marker. Like that's such a cool thing to them. Um, and so I say that because I think that, um, we oftentimes worry if our kids can follow through, but oftentimes our kids are, like, really excited about it, and if we can just help them follow through, then this, then it's great to instill those habits with them when they're young, because by the time they're teenagers or in college or grown, then it just comes natural to them and they don't have to worry about it.

Alex: 22:40

Right, yep, that's the goal for me. Yeah, absolutely.

Diana Rene: 22:44

And it changes with every like if you move houses or different seasons or anything like that. Like, that's something that I've had to learn over the years. It's not like a one and done thing. You don't get to like create your systems and routines and then you're like I'm done, Like I'm good, you know something? Yeah, my friend.

Alex: 23:04

My friend says she's like, oh, I'm still going through it. She goes, I finish it and then I just start right back at the beginning and go through it again, because by the time you finish you have to go back to that original room and start it again.

Diana Rene: 23:14

Yeah, yeah, and it's funny because we have discovered over the years cause we've had the program now since mid 2018, um, which blows my mind. It sometimes feels like we just started last year, but we have found that two to three rounds is kind of the magical number which kind of scares people, cause they're like you mean, I have to go through my entire house three times to feel like decluttered. But the thing is is that that first round tends to be hard, and then the second and third, you're just, it's just, it goes so much faster because you've already built up that muscle, you've built up that momentum and there's not nearly as much to go through, and so it just comes more naturally.

Alex: 23:57

Yeah, oh yeah, for sure, and that's what she said too. She goes now I just pick up stuff and I just chuck it. She goes it's super easy now I just chuck it, she goes it's super easy now it's meant to be.

Diana Rene: 24:14

That's awesome. Well, what would you say to someone who's maybe been considering joining the program, but they're kind of on the fence, they're not really sure if it's worth it? What would you tell them?

Alex: 24:20

That's a great question. I know that when my friend first started telling me about it, before I really had done research, I just kept thinking well, just tell me what you did and I'll just do it. You know, I don't like I don't need to buy a program. You know like I'm I mean, it sounds ridiculous. Yeah, my house is super cluttered, but I actually am a very good organizer. I just have too much to organize.

Alex: 24:45

And so that, I think, is the difference. Like in this world where there's so many things on Instagram showing how to put your spices in pretty bottles and how to set up everything, the missing piece is that you have to get rid of stuff first, and the thing that makes your program different is that you go into more of the feelings and psychology of why it's hard to get rid of things, and your program is set up to do baby steps, like the order in which you're having us do things. That was fascinating to me because I hadn't thought about it that way and it is making it easier to do that, and that's something that I thought. Okay, that's, that's worth it, I get it now.

Diana Rene: 25:30

Yeah, and that's human nature to fight that right. Because, like, if we look at our house, we're like, why wouldn't I go? Like the closet is driving me bananas, why wouldn't I go? Start there? Well, because the closet is going to hold way more emotions to you than your linen closet. And so, yeah, I think the order is really really helpful for a lot of people.

Alex: 25:53

I also really appreciate the community. That was another thing that I didn't think about before. I was, you know, thinking about buying a program. That's been really cool too. To see other people doing it is a huge inspiration, and this isn't like people on Instagram showing beautiful spaces. These are people like me where their houses are trashed, and I love them for it. Like I just I look at those rooms and I'm like, yes, yes, you go for it, you do it Right, that's, that's been huge.

Diana Rene: 26:30

Do it Right. That's, that's been huge. I like I I tell everyone I'm like you don't understand this community. Like it is like a unicorn commute, Like there is no judgment, there's no drama, there's not, like it's just a group of women who are like trying to better their homes and they're doing it together and it's encouraging and uplifting and motivating. So, yeah, I always love, I love to hear that and I love our coaches in the program too. I think there's such a big benefit.

Alex: 26:54

Oh yeah, and they've been really responsive too. It's like everything. Every time I post somebody, every time I post something, an admin's coming on and reacting, and that's also really great. To get that just little hit of dopamine, that little hit of like of encouragement from a person that knows what they're doing. That's been great too. I appreciate them.

Diana Rene: 27:15

Yeah, I love that. Is there anything else that we haven't gone over that you want to make sure that we cover?

Alex: 27:24

Just that. I'm really excited that when I bought the program, I bought the extra perk of getting like a one-on-one with you. Yeah, I'm saving it for my craft room because, let me, let me tell you, um, I am, um, I'm an artist and I I work in film and uh. So I have this craft room and it's amazing. But I have discovered, through the ADHD thing, that I'm not a crafter, I'm a hoarder of crafts. I have so many categories and that's going to be really tough. Like I tried to declutter my craft room for four years and every time I had a kid so my third kid I used my maternity leave. I'm like I'm going to use my maternity leave, I'm going to like gut it and it's going to be this beautiful space and three kids later. It's probably the worst it's ever been. So just wanted to say I'm really excited to work with you on that.

Diana Rene: 28:20

I'm excited too and it's fun with that because you can send me like videos and photos and we can like walk through it together. But I'm the I'm the same way and it totally is an ADHD thing. Like I'm like, oh, I'm going to learn how to sew, like randomly a couple of years ago, so I buy like a sewing machine, but like a normal person would be like, oh, I'm going to start with like sewing this pillow. I'm like I'm going to buy the sewing machine and like all the advanced things and all the patterns and all the fabrics and it never, it never. Like I turned it on twice and I was like this is hard, I don't understand. So I'm done.

Alex: 28:55

I go all in and I do, I buy all of the things and in fact it's really funny. So I'm doing the program right now and my friend who's already been through it I was showing her something. I was a new craft that I was going to get into. She's like Alex, you're supposed to be adding a craft right now, you're supposed to be getting rid of stuff. And I was like, oh yeah, I got caught.

Diana Rene: 29:19

Yeah, go find one in your craft room and stick with that.

Alex: 29:23

Yeah, oh, yeah, that's fun.

Diana Rene: 29:27

Well, I really appreciate you coming on. It's always fun to talk to all the members and just your journey and everything and you'll have to keep me posted, but I'm excited for when you do get to the craft room to do the oh yeah yeah, the office was a big transformation.

Alex: 29:41

I posted the before and after video and that took me at least two, three weeks to do. I mean, I started it when I started the program and I just finished it like a week ago, which is why I kind of got behind in the 10 day challenge, because I, you know, I'm like I'm still on my office. Yeah yeah, I have a little bit catching up to do, but I'm working on it.

Diana Rene: 30:03

Yeah, but that probably helps you so much in that transition back to work, having a state you feel like you can focus in.

Alex: 30:10

Well, and that's why I did it first, even though the program was a little bit different, you know. Um, I was like I actually need this in order to function, so definitely tackled it first, but it was worth it.

Diana Rene: 30:21

Yeah, absolutely. Well, thank you so much for coming on and it was so fun to talk to you. Tag me in that video that you're talking about, the before. Oh, I think you might. I think you might've seen it?

Alex: 30:31

I don't know. Oh, I probably did. Yeah, I probably did. Thank you so much. It was really wonderful to to like talk to you face to face, so, um, I'll, uh, I'll be hitting you up on the group for sure, awesome, awesome.

Diana Rene: 30:45

Well, thank you so much.

Alex: 30:47

Yeah, take care, I'll talk to you guys soon All right, thanks, Alex All right, bye-bye.

Diana Rene: 30:50

Bye. Thanks for hanging out and listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world If you could write a review or share this episode with a friend or your Instagram stories. And if you're on Instagram, be sure to follow me at thedeclutteredmom and send me a DM to say hi. I'd love to hear what you thought about today's episode. I hope you'll come back next week and hang out with us again.