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Diana Rene: 0:06

You're listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast, a podcast built specifically for busy moms by a busy mom. I'm your host, Diana Rene, and in 2017, I had my second daughter and it felt like I was literally drowning in my home okay, not literally, but I felt like I couldn't breathe with all of the stuff surrounding me. Over the next 10 months, I got rid of approximately 70% of our household belongings and I have never looked back. I kind of feel like I hacked the mom system and I'm here to share all the tips, tricks and encouragement. Let's listen to today's show.

Diana Rene: 0:49

Welcome to another episode of The Decluttered Mom podcast. Today, we are jumping into part two of my chat with Spencer Russell, who is toddlerscanread on Instagram. If you have not listened to the first part of this episode, please go back to last week and listen to that episode, because today is basically going to be a continuation of our conversation. I like to keep these episodes nice and short, as you know, and so it was just going to be too long to have as one episode, so today is part two. Let's just jump right in.

Spencer Russell: 1:28

Do you get hate comments?

Diana Rene: 1:30

I do, which surprises people. I know you do. You know, people are like what could be like, what's problematic about decluttering? Well, people find problems.

Spencer Russell: 1:44

Can I guess? Sure, I'm trying to think of a person who's going to drop a hate comment in a video to try and help moms declutter their homes, and my guess is it's going to be someone with a really messy house who doesn't want to declutter. This is just trying to get in their head. It's like they see you and there's something triggering about it. Is one of the strands? Like you can't tell me what to do, like just because this is like your thing or whatever it doesn't mean like we should have to do it.

Diana Rene: 2:20

Sometimes, yes, but this surprises people when I tell them that the largest demographic of hate comments, and specifically hate DMs, are men that I would estimate to be in their like 40s or 50s, who have, for whatever reason, a problem with my content.

Spencer Russell: 2:44

Who have, for whatever reason, a problem with my content.

Diana Rene: 2:50

So yeah, yeah, and you give like any any example of like a like, like a DM from like a 45 year old man. Yeah, that, oh God. Well, I can't most of them I can't say on my podcast because they're too intense. But a lot of things about, like you know, I talk a lot in my content about getting everyone in the family involved in the process and that it shouldn't all fall on mom's shoulders. So a lot of it is about like you're a woman, you need to get in your place, like you need, like that's your job, that kind of thing.

Diana Rene: 3:26

That's a common DM that I get and most of those come in the form of DMs versus comments, like I said. But I would honestly say probably the biggest like, like comment that I get is about like how I'm depriving my kids because we declutter their toys, which I think just goes back to like a profound misunderstanding of what decluttering is Like. It doesn't mean getting rid of all of your kids' toys. It means getting rid of the excess toys so that they have a better chance of being able to have that independent play because they're not overwhelmed walking into a room where it looks like Toys R Us threw up, you know.

Diana Rene: 4:06

Yeah so it just goes again back to like they. It's their, their own misunderstanding of what the content is trying to express.

Spencer Russell: 4:19

I'm sorry that you get those comments.

Diana Rene: 4:21

Well, thank you, spencer, I know you do too, so I I do, but like not that.

Spencer Russell: 4:29

What you're describing is a different kind of of terrible is yours more like?

Diana Rene: 4:38

is, from what I have seen, at least personally, and you can correct me is yours more more about? Like the, the potential detrimental aspects of toddlers reading, or like the more, I guess, like the controversial aspects of it that you just debunked for us here but that people may not have, may not understand?

Spencer Russell: 5:01

a lot of. It is a lot of. It's that stuff. Okay, you know, like the, if it's like some kind of like racism or something that that's. That's really only on like YouTube, little like, a little bit TikTok.

Diana Rene: 5:16

I'm sorry.

Spencer Russell: 5:18

Uh, if it's. But honestly, like part of part of what I've appreciated about my growth in the business is that it hasn't been too too fast and it hasn't been too too slow, like I have been able to grow with the pushback where initially, you know, if someone unfollowed me or someone sent you know, one rude message or there was a comment that didn't quite seem right, it would, it would, it would hit me emotionally and then you know, grow, grow, grow. And now there's a couple of day, grow, grow, grow. Now there's more and I think I've been able to kind of mature as the accounts have grown and as more people have come in. So it's never been too overwhelming.

Spencer Russell: 6:18

There's certainly been days when one comment or one message has kind of sat with me for a day or two and kind of impacted my mood in a way that I'm like not proud of, but it just it just has. Yeah, there, there's been times when either I or someone on my team has gone into like a back and forth with someone that I'm back on. I like hey, that was stupid. Like should just let that one go, yeah.

Spencer Russell: 6:44

I've been there but right now I see my job at this stage as to not try to appease anybody. I'm not trying to make anybody happy. I'm not trying to say what's popular. I'm trying to say what's right, because whether or not you know some, some, some mom or group of moms or dad, or you know whoever agrees with me or not, like really doesn't matter to me. If what I'm saying I think it's genuinely useful and helpful for majority of people, or if I think it could be helpful for their kid, it's my job to say it and to say it in a way that is hopefully what I want to communicate in my content is it is, it is supportive and it's loving, but you're going to be pushed Like I am. I'm going to push you.

Spencer Russell: 7:49

Recently it's been a lot on screen time and I don't, I don't, I don't care. Honestly, I don't care if I lose customers, I don't care if I lose money, I don't care if I lose followers. Screen time to me, helping parents understand there is an impact and you have to be intentional about it. You've got to think through what you put in front of your kid, like that's the message for people to do better.

Spencer Russell: 8:12

Yeah, I think, as parents, like that's our job, that's my job, that's my wife's job, like it is, it is our job to look ourselves in the mirror and to do better. And if I can play a small part in that, again with love and with compassion and with understanding, then that's what I'm going to try to do, and over time I'll get better at delivering these messages, because it's not always easy, but that's the goal, and hate's going to come with it. But I think if you are on a mission towards something that matters, you kind of have to take it in stride, and I'm sure that you probably feel the same way.

Diana Rene: 8:48

Yeah, for sure. I think you have to grow kind of a thick skin, having any type of platform where you're sharing an opinion about something that people may have different opinions than you, because it's the internet and people will tell you that they have a different opinion.

Spencer Russell: 9:07

Yes, yes, they will, yeah, they will Every now and then. But my comment section is surprisingly positive.

Diana Rene: 9:16

That's awesome.

Spencer Russell: 9:17

And it's gotten more and more positive over time, even on tough topics like screen time. So there's definitely pushback, but it's not like we're drowning in it. It's just everyone's going to have an opinion. Yeah, say the world is round, and like 4% of people will hate you for saying that and will tell you all the reasons why it's flat.

Diana Rene: 9:42

Yes, exactly. Can we touch on screen time quickly? When you talk about screen time, are you referring to the actual amount of time that kids are spending on screens or the type of content that they are taking part in, or both, both, okay.

Spencer Russell: 10:01

For me the simplest way to share my opinion on screen time and I hesitate to call it an opinion because I think it's honestly just common sense. I think parents should have a vision for their children.

Diana Rene: 10:15

Yeah.

Spencer Russell: 10:20

I think parents should have a very clear idea of the kind of person they want their kid to grow up into and the kinds of things they want them to have the opportunities to do and to experience in life. And it might not be like crystal, crystal clear, but if you've never sat down and planned a vision or a direction or goals for your kid, I recommend doing it. I find people you know who want new jobs will sit down and they'll picture and imagine themselves in the job and they'll do work and all this stuff to get ready for it and prep and prepare and take notes. But then when we have a new child, like that same process, intentionality doesn't always translate over. So if we start with like a vision, then the question is is your child on track for that vision?

Spencer Russell: 11:07

When you look at your kid and you look at their behavior, you look at how they socialize, you look at how they interact with you, your relationship with them.

Spencer Russell: 11:15

Are they on track towards those things or are they off track? And if they're off track, either they're struggling with their social relationships or with their communication or with their focus and attention and you notice they're off track. You notice there's an issue. I would wager you should look at your screen time. Yeah, a lot of other things too, but look at your screen time and if your kid's spending a lot of time on screens and you notice there's some sort of deficit or gap or issue in their life, try cutting it back and seeing if there's an impact on that area. Nine times out of 10, you'll see an improvement in their focus, in their attention, in their ability to just kind of be with you in the moment, in your relationship with them, in their relationship with others. I totally get the value and utility in screens and giving people a break, giving people time off. I know there's a lot of parents who are in very challenging positions where they are kind of bearing all of the weight and all of the burden of all the things with the kids.

Spencer Russell: 12:27

And you know, that's just, that's just so much. I, I, I, I, I, I get it. You know I'm not in that situation myself, but I get just how significant that is and how much of a burden and a mental load and how tiring that is. And at the same time, I'd be remiss if I didn't use my platform to let people know oftentimes, those behaviors, those meltdowns, those issues, the lack of focus and attention that you're seeing, that's leading you to want that break and to want that time away from your kids, that stuff that's wearing you out where you just need a second away from your kids saying their name.

Spencer Russell: 13:09

Some of that stuff is exacerbated by screens. It is. It is the thing that you're giving to pacify the kid that is causing some of the behavior that you're seeing that requires you to need time away. And so to me, it's, it's, it's this vicious, vicious cycle and some kids are fine and it's like the parents giving them however much time a day, they're watching their bluey, they're doing their thing, but when it's time to turn it off, the kid says okay, they turn it off. They talk with their parent, they interact, they engage, they're normal, they're fine, they're healthy, they're on this path towards the vision. Many, many kids are not and many, many parents are using screens as a band-aid to try to cover up a problem that the screen is actually causing.

Spencer Russell: 13:51

And there's there's plenty, plenty, plenty of research on each of these things. I find that people who feel the most triggered by this are people who have kids on a lot of screens.

Diana Rene: 14:03

Yeah.

Spencer Russell: 14:04

And they'll say what's the research? What's the research? What's the research? What's the research? If any listener is like listening, feeling triggered, like Google, Google screen time plus whatever other word you want to add screen time and focus screen time, and toddler screen time and kids screen time, and you'll find plenty of research.

Diana Rene: 14:25

Yeah, I, you might know the name of this book. I just found it, I just ordered it last week, but I can't remember the name of it off the top of my head. But it's all about like how basically what you're talking about like how screens impact our kids development and behavior and social socialization and all of that. Do you know what I'm talking about or no? I'm sure there's probably a lot of them. It was on a podcast that I heard.

Spencer Russell: 14:52

Yeah, I forget his name. Yeah, I don't.

Diana Rene: 14:56

Well, I um it's really interesting because I am in the camp of my kids we don't really limit screen time and we never have, simply because it's never been an issue as far as behavior or attention or kind of like you're talking about.

Diana Rene: 15:13

You know like they can be on the iPad and they can be drawing while they're watching the iPad and then they get off the iPad and they go play and like it's it's. They're able to do that. I realize that that's not totally typical and I also, at the same time, even though it's never been an issue, I'm learning more and more about just the impacts of them having that screen time, even if it's not showing me like it's not showing up in their day-to-day lives to be an issue. So we're starting to pull back a little bit, even in our house, even though it's not posing direct issues that we can see day to day. But I do think it's like a fascinating topic that has so many different levels to it. What type of guidelines would you give a parent when it comes to screen time for a young child?

Spencer Russell: 16:08

Yeah, it really is interesting, and I think that your example speaks to my stance where, like when my son was younger, if we gave him an episode of something, we did see a difference immediately. Okay, it was an immediate thing, and so it got taken away.

Diana Rene: 16:26

Yeah.

Spencer Russell: 16:26

It's like that's not gonna be something that we do because there's an impact right. So you have to look at is this helping my kid or harming them? And if it's harming them we pull it off. Guidance there. All of the guidance I've ever seen from researchers has been zero screen time of any kind before two.

Diana Rene: 16:47

Before two yeah, Before two.

Spencer Russell: 16:49

I try not to put hard and fast rules in place. But no screen time for babies that to me is a is a is a rule. I feel comfortable saying hard and fast babies don't need and it should not have screens at such a sensitive time in their brain development.

Diana Rene: 17:07

That was something our pediatrician kind of drilled into my head when I had my first. So yeah. Yeah.

Spencer Russell: 17:14

Past that I think generally it it, it increases with age, right, you're, you're, you're not gonna be able to keep a teenager off of screens and and nor should you socially and all those sorts of things. Like your, your, your kid is going to need to be able to make friends and talk to them and do all that sort of stuff. But everything in between, to me it's all about impact. And how is your kid doing?

Diana Rene: 17:41

Yeah.

Spencer Russell: 17:42

Like, like, that's it. So if I had another kid and I was, I was raising another kid I would have very strict rules in place, because that's that's, that's my belief, that's what I've seen with my first Right, and the majority of parents would say like.

Spencer Russell: 17:58

That's my belief, that's what I've seen with my first Right and the majority of parents would say like that's not feasible, that's not doable, that's too strict, that's whatever it's like, that's fine. That's what I personally have students who are going to do it. That's not what I'm advising people to do. That's just what I would do.

Diana Rene: 18:11

Right.

Spencer Russell: 18:14

Other people can choose their own path. But like half, but like very, very practically if someone's kid is on screens too much. What I found is usually parents know, like usually parents actually know this and they're very honest about it. They just don't know how to fix it Right.

Spencer Russell: 18:29

I would. I would take the kid off completely for at least a week, minimum week like a detox. Detox, exactly. People get triggered by the word but zero, zero screens. Your kid needs to reset that. They, they, they need to reset. And also, the parent needs to see the difference. As you take the screen away and you go to zero, the first thing you'll notice is just how dependent your kid was on the screen and if you weren't already super, super aware of the problem, it'll become really, really clear. Then you'll start to see the change and the shift in your kid's behavior and focus and socializing and all this stuff very, very quickly and I think that's going to be heartening for many people to see. This was tough, but I'm seeing positive changes and I think after that point people can decide whether they want to reintroduce and how much, and what parameters and rules and boundaries they want to put in place. But I actually think it's easier to go from a lot to zero and then to a little than it is to go from a lot to a little.

Diana Rene: 19:31

Yeah, I agree, cause I think then the battle of getting off the screen is battle of getting off the screen is harder than just saying no screens.

Spencer Russell: 19:41

Exactly.

Diana Rene: 19:42

Yeah.

Spencer Russell: 19:43

And and. And I have one one final, very fast note, which is like I know this is like a very challenging subject and topic for parents. I'll just say, for me as an adult, screens really impact me. Yeah, they really do, and I track my phone screen time every day, to the minute I go on my settings. I check how many minutes it was, If it's too much, I look at the apps that I spent the time on and it is almost one-to-one. Like there are only a couple things in my life that correlate with my mood, like really significantly. One is how well I've exercised. Two is how well I've slept. Three is how much time I spent on screens.

Spencer Russell: 20:33

I believe it and it is, it is, it is just nuts. I'm like why do I feel depressed right now, Like everything in my life is good, Like why am I depressed? Oh, two and a half hours on my phone today.

Diana Rene: 20:43

Yeah.

Spencer Russell: 20:44

That's why I'm depressed.

Diana Rene: 20:45

Yeah.

Spencer Russell: 20:46

And it's and and and and. I think if we can't be honest with ourselves about the impact on us, I'm not just saying you know you're a bad parent, cause your kid's on a screen or get your kid off screens more. I'm just saying screens are tough in general.

Diana Rene: 20:58

Right.

Spencer Russell: 20:59

And as a as a as a 34 year old adult who is really into like self-improvement and self-development and is always like looking at how I can get better, how can I say that if I spend two hours a day on my phone, I feel sad but I'm going to let my kid do it. Who's six? Like like that doesn't make sense. I've got to think through the fact that, like people have spent millions and millions, billions of dollars to make this device engaging, there's all of this research on the impact. Yeah, it's, it's.

Spencer Russell: 21:35

That's a lot of screen time thoughts, but yeah, well intentionality is the most important thing, and make sure that your kid is on a path towards something good.

Diana Rene: 21:44

Yeah, for sure, I have said this before on my podcast, but I like had a realization one day that 99% of the time when I get frustrated or short with my kids, it's because I'm trying to do something on my phone whether it be for work or for school or something and they are trying to get my attention.

Diana Rene: 22:09

And like that was a big realization for me, because, because it was like I am just getting frustrated or honestly, even if I'm just scrolling on Instagram, you know, and they're trying to get my attention and I get frustrated with them, and it was like a really big realization for me how much that was impacting how I interacted with my own kids. And so I started using an app it's called Opal app. It's called Opal. Every day, from the time I pick them up from school until bedtime, all social media, all work is basically blocked from my phone. So even if, out of habit, I pick it up, I can't access it, and that's changed completely how I interact with my own kids and it's you know, it's not like I was intentionally getting frustrated with them, it was just because my focus was somewhere else and in my, not only my focus was somewhere else, but my focus was somewhere that is intentionally designed to keep my focus. Um, I was not interacting with my own children the way that I wanted to, and so I had to reevaluate and change that.

Spencer Russell: 23:23

Yeah, exactly what a powerful realization.

Diana Rene: 23:26

Yeah, for sure. Well, okay, I could talk to you for probably like eight hours, but I want to respect your time. Spencer, if someone's listening to this, and whether they have a toddler that they're just like interested in, or they're intrigued and they've never even thought of their toddler reading, or they have an older child that's struggling, how can they work with you or how can they find you and start kind of looking into this?

Spencer Russell: 23:53

My website is toddlers read not toddlers can read, but toddlersread.com and I have a free 30 minute workshop that people can watch. It's like 28 minutes actually, so it's not over super, super quick. It'll give you advice, guidance, just just very kind of step-by-step basic information on how to get started. I also have paid courses Folks can watch on the highest end for more step-by-step support and just quick videos on my Instagram page if people want to see. You know, just like get like a really quick feel or flavor. But you know it goes anywhere from Instagram on the lowest end to free training in the middle, to paid courses, lots of stuff to support. People can shoot medium Happy to talk through. But ultimately it's not as hard as you think, it doesn't take as long as you think and it could be a lot of fun.

Diana Rene: 24:41

Perfect. Well, I'm going to put the links also in our show notes. So if you're listening to this and you are intrigued or you're needing help with your kid, then definitely check Spencer out. And Spencer, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me today. This was super fun Of Spencer. Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me today. This was super fun.

Spencer Russell: 25:00

Of course. Thank you so much.

Diana Rene: 25:02

Thanks for hanging out and listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world If you could write a review or share this episode with a friend or your Instagram stories. And if you're on Instagram, be sure to follow me at thedeclutteredmom and send me a DM to say hi. I'd love to hear what you thought about today's episode. I hope you'll come back next week and hang out with us again.