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Diana Rene: 0:06

You're listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast, a podcast built specifically for busy moms by a busy mom. I'm your host, Diana Rene, and in 2017 I had my second daughter and it felt like I was literally drowning in my home okay, not literally, but I felt like I couldn't breathe with all of the stuff surrounding me. Over the next 10 months, I got rid of approximately 70% of our household belongings and I have never looked back. I kind of feel like I hacked the mom system and I'm here to share all the tips, tricks and encouragement. Let's listen to today's show. Welcome to another episode of the Decluttered Mom podcast.

Diana Rene: 0:53

Today, we have a special guest for you. Her name is Sydney and she is a member of Minimal-ish Starts here, which is my decluttering program that is self-paced and online and teaches you how to declutter your home from A to Z, and Sydney came on to just share her story and talk about why she wanted to declutter in the first place, the obstacles that she and her husband faced throughout decluttering and just some of the harder moments for her, but also the benefits of kind of what happened once she and her husband did fully declutter the entire home. So this was a really great conversation and I think she had some really amazing insights. And so if you're curious about really like going all in and decluttering and you just want to hear someone else's story, I think sometimes there's so much power in just hearing stories of other people that are in similar situations as you, that were able to make a big difference in their home and in their life. I think it can be inspiring and motivating and I hope that you enjoy today's episode. Let's just jump right in, all right?

Diana Rene: 2:07

So today we have a member of Minimal-ish Starts here and her name is Sydney. Sydney, thanks so much for coming on. Yeah, thank you, I appreciate it. Yeah, okay, so can you just share a little bit about who you are and kind of what brought you into Minimalish, which, if you're listening to this and you're like, what in the world is that? It's my decluttering program that's online, that's self-paced, that just helps women basically declutter their homes from A to Z. And so, Sydney, if you can just kind of share a little bit about who you are?

Sydney Hoben: 2:43

Absolutely so. My husband and I were both active duty military for a while, while being 15 years, and we towards the end of our active career. We had two kiddos pretty close together and when we had met this is sort of jumbled. But long story short we were two completely separate humans living in two fully furnished houses. We moved together and in a five-year timeframe we moved four times to three different States, had two babies and transferred careers.

Sydney Hoben: 3:19

So just a couple of things you know a couple of things going on and very low key, you know, not a whole massive commitment changes or anything, but um, we and also in the midst of that, our oldest, michael, was diagnosed with autism and with all of that crazy that that diagnosis kind of put us at a full stop. We were like, okay, wait, this lifestyle is insane for us. Like what's that going to look like for him? And we had to do some serious reevaluating and we came to the point where we were like you know what Lifestyle's not working anymore. We're going to move back to where I'm from, idaho and calm down quite a bit, and so interminimalist starts here.

Sydney Hoben: 4:06

Like we, I needed a guide. I say we. My husband is very kind of methodical, he's good about stuff like this. I needed a checklist. So bad it was like it wasn't going to happen if I didn't have something. And this worked so well because I was able to break things down into smaller tasks. Like, with all of that going on, I needed a baseline, otherwise I would felt like I was kind of just spinning in circles.

Diana Rene: 4:33

Totally, that makes sense, and so first of all, thank you and your husband for your service. That's a long, long time, yeah, okay. So when you said that you guys were, you know you had two separate households and then you moved in together, did all of the items from both households come together?

Sydney Hoben: 4:56

A hundred percent they did. We had two of everything in every drawer. It seemed like in over the five-year timeframe we kind of whittled away at it, but we still had two couches and two dining room sets and and with like changing houses over and over, the sizes would get really big and then they would shrink. And then we moved our. Well, just to tell you kind of how it went, so we were in a three bedroom home in Northern California and it was pretty good size home. They're very open, so we had a lot of room for interpretation there.

Sydney Hoben: 5:32

Then we moved to Indiana where we bought our first house together, and that house was a little more old fashioned in that like there was a lot of separate small living spaces but we still could fit all of our stuff in it, right. And then from Indiana we moved to our last active duty station, which was in Hawaii, and that house was tiny and so that was where we kind of lived, with our entire house boxed up in the garage. And then we finally moved to Idaho and we bought our house and we moved everything. When all of our shipment, our household goods, arrived, it was like chaos, oh my. I cannot explain to you what it felt like to have those trucks plural unload all of that stuff into our home after we had been living without it for like six months. Yeah, because that whole process was a nightmare. But yeah, we went from being literal minimalists with not by choice, to everything we had ever purchased in our lives showing up on our doorstep. And it was, it was a lot.

Diana Rene: 6:40

Wow, okay, just a side note. I have to know how was it living in Hawaii?

Sydney Hoben: 6:48

lot, wow, okay, just a side note. I have to know how was it? Living in Hawaii, so I miss the weather so much. We were right before this about the windstorm that's currently happening. I miss the weather, but, oh my gosh, it's so expensive. Yeah, I feel like you're a multimillionaire. Hawaii is the place to be, but if you're average Joe, it's it's a tough spot, that's for sure, for sure.

Diana Rene: 7:07

What Island were you on? We were on Oahu. Okay, very cool. I've been to Maui twice but that's the only Island I've been to. But you know I was like in the touristy areas. But I also know, just anywhere on the Island is just as expensive, it seemed.

Sydney Hoben: 7:24

We like Maui so much more than Oahu, definitely, oh really.

Diana Rene: 7:28

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and how long did you live there?

Sydney Hoben: 7:32

We were there for a year and a half, with the last four-ish months being my husband was just living there, and then the boys and I had moved back home to Idaho.

Diana Rene: 7:42

Oh, okay, all right. And I had moved back home to Idaho. Oh, okay, all right. So when all of your belongings were in a truck, basically for how long six months you said yeah, six months. Did you miss it? Was it like something where you were really like gosh, I really wish we had all of that stuff. Or was it more like you just didn't even? It was like out of sight, out of mind. Was it kind of a in the middle somewhere?

Sydney Hoben: 8:10

so I would say it's in the middle. So my kiddos they were two and three, three and four through that process and I missed my bed. I missed just bigger, more important appliances, right Like the air fryer, which feels ridiculous, but it was nice to be able to cook a quick meal and just some of the boys' things that would make my life a little bit easier. But, as far as the storage goes, the stuff that I've been like hanging on to, so I'm I'm the oldest daughter, oldest of my generation of cousins, which kind of made me the inheritor. Yeah, same, I'm right there with you. Oh man, that has been tough, but I I didn't miss any of that. In fact, it was so nice to have so little to clean up that, like I said, when everything showed up I was like, oh, if we could just put it back on the truck, I would be okay, just take it away, and I won't remember what's here.

Diana Rene: 9:15

Right, yeah. So then you said that, once everything was delivered, what described to me like that day, with those trucks rolling up, it was.

Sydney Hoben: 9:27

It was something I don't know. It seemed like out of a sitcom. So when the trucks got there they backed into our fence, broke our fence, and then it just kind of that kind of set the tone for the day. Right, we were like, oh, this is a lot. And then they started unloading things, and then they were unloading things, and then they were unloading things and then they were still unloading things and I thought, for sure we were done. And then we unloaded another truck and I mean I and it never occurred to me that we had so much stuff, it just, you know it was we had moved constantly, so the boxes were still there and we would just load those same boxes into the truck and so on and so forth. But I just remember looking, and I looked at my husband and I was like we have to offload like 50% of this, otherwise we're going to go crazy.

Diana Rene: 10:17

Right, yeah, I can totally relate also to the idea of like two households coming together, because my husband and I did not live together before we got married, except for, like, I think it was like three weeks or something, but, and we both lived on our own for a couple of years prior to that, and so we had built up, you know, a full household each and then coming together. It was neither one of us enjoyed decluttering. We didn't really want to let go of our things, you know, moving in together, so we just kept everything and it was like you really don't need two crockpots for two people in their twenties, you know it's just and that builds up fast, especially when both of you are not really people who let things go easily, and so I can totally relate to that for sure. Yeah, okay, so let's talk. When did you join the program? So?

Sydney Hoben: 11:18

I actually joined the program in Hawaii and it wasn't for minimalist, it wasn't that program, it was meal planning system. Yeah, that was how I was introduced to it because, again, we were, our house was tiny and my husband traveled. At that point I had come off of active duty and was going to school full time and he was still there. But he traveled a lot and it wasn't just local travel anymore, it was like Guam, saipan, alaska, america, samoa. He was gone for days at a time and I was like, okay, how am I not going to go crazy, basically being on this island by myself with my two kiddos trying to go to school and make all of this happen? And one of the things was food. I was like if I could have a system that is simple and just easy, then it might take that little bit of pressure off, which it absolutely did. So I want to definitely thank you for that one that's awesome.

Diana Rene: 12:21

Yeah, I think meal planning is a source of tension in many homes, especially if it's like cooking is not something you particularly love or if you are just in a really busy season. Right, yeah, and then okay. So you started with meal planning in Hawaii and then were you back in Idaho when you found the decluttering program.

Sydney Hoben: 12:44

Yes, I was. It was when I was like, okay, we are, we're going to start this. And I sat down at my dining room table and watched the obstacles and roadblocks and was just like, oh, these are all of the things that I tell myself all the time. Yeah, and at first it was just me and I kind of told my husband. I was like you know what I want to do? This? I think this would be really cool. It's this whole lined out program. And he said he was like yeah, that sounds good.

Sydney Hoben: 13:17

And we just kind of it was kind of an unofficial thing but we started in on our bathroom, our master bathroom. When I say that like I can't even, I just remember that day and he and I filling up garbage bags of stuff and I just remember looking at him being like how does this happen? Like what, look at all this money right here in this bag. Like this, does this happen? Like, look at all this money right here in this bag, like this is incredible. And we finished the bathroom that day and we looked at each other and we were like we are definitely doing this to the entire house and it has just been a process, a long process, but a good one nonetheless.

Diana Rene: 14:00

That's so like I think bathrooms are such an interesting thing because most people, unless the bathroom is just like really out of control, most people don't feel like their bathrooms are super cluttered until they get into the program and then they start really going through it and they've gone through those emotional obstacles and they realize like the different things that are holding them back and then so they're able to see their stuff and kind of a new light and it's amazing like how much stuff come come out of a bathroom.

Sydney Hoben: 14:31

Yeah, like expired stuff we had, well, and I had so many seasons too, like I had had two babies and so all of the bathroom stuff that comes with that and all of the things like my actually. So my husband, in the midst of all of our crazy, my husband actually had cancer, um, and so, yeah, it was honestly the craziest five years of my life. I'm hoping for like minimal, everything Right, but all of that too was mixed in with our bathroom stuff and we just didn't have a system or anything and we ended up creating this its own storage box of just like surplus Cause we're really good at buying extras and I was like, okay, we can just put this in the garage and have what we need right now. And it made a huge difference and, honestly, the surplus thing we should probably just get rid of because I don't know that we've opened it in six months or so.

Diana Rene: 15:29

Oh, really it's really out of sight, out of mind. It really is. Yeah, is your husband doing better?

Sydney Hoben: 15:37

He is, yeah, he's doing. Really it was a long few months, but things are better now.

Diana Rene: 15:43

Awesome, good, okay, perfect. So, and how long ago was this when you moved back to Idaho?

Sydney Hoben: 15:57

So this was two.

Diana Rene: 15:57

it'll be two years in June, so it would have been a year and a half ago when we got all of our stuff. Okay, perfect. So how long did it take you to work through the whole home?

Sydney Hoben: 16:05

Oh my gosh. I want to say that it took us about six months, and that is kind of just going down the list of rooms. I know that there were times when we kind of just called it and, for example, the garage, we went through garage phase probably seven, eight times, where we would just be like you know what, we're going to go clean the garage today and we would pull everything out to hold back in. But yeah, I think if we were going to go through everything once, it had been about six months.

Diana Rene: 16:37

Okay, did your husband end up going through it with you then, after the bathroom experience.

Sydney Hoben: 16:43

Yes, oh my gosh. Yeah, we were actually talking about this podcast this weekend and I was like you know what, what should I say? Like, what was our experience? And he was like, essentially, that we couldn't have done it without each other, because there was things for him that he didn't want to get rid of and me with all of my inheritance, if you will.

Sydney Hoben: 17:05

he's had to be so patient with me through that because he doesn't under. He's like I just don't see why you want to keep all this stuff in boxes and there are things where I'm like you have seven of this exact item. Why do you need that many? And like having that person there to kind of question your normal right and but doing it in a way that's supportive has been amazing, because I can tell you there have been moments where we're just like you know what. I think we need to hang this up today and we'll start again tomorrow.

Diana Rene: 17:35

Yeah, emotions can run high, right, oh man yeah.

Sydney Hoben: 17:39

It's a it's just a massive process.

Diana Rene: 17:45

Yeah, it's a. It's a just a massive process. Yeah Well, it sounds like you guys were able to hold each other accountable really well in like a loving way and not a frustrating way.

Sydney Hoben: 17:52

Yes, absolutely. I think that's a perfect way to say it.

Diana Rene: 17:55

Yeah, would you say that you are naturally someone who tends to hold on to things. I would say that.

Sydney Hoben: 18:03

I was yes. I think now this has kind of given me permission to not right Like I don't have to give the item feelings, for example, like it doesn't care that I'm throwing it away or donating it. All of these things, all of these strange things that come with that Right, yeah it, it has been so much easier and just it's kind of led over into a lot of the different aspects of my life. And yeah, it's been, it's been nice before, but before this I would say, yes, it would be easy for me to just put something in a drawer and be like, okay, that's exactly where I needed to be, and then so on and so forth.

Diana Rene: 18:45

I totally get that Okay. So I'm very curious. You said it's blood over into other areas of your life. What other areas and in what way?

Sydney Hoben: 18:53

So I would say it's kind of like my commitment, so to speak, like being able to say no to things.

Sydney Hoben: 19:00

It's that if I can say this, no to this physical object that has no feelings whatsoever, right, I can also say no to different commitments in my life. I'm I'm definitely somebody who will take on more than I need to, and so, having that, honestly, the brain space to be able to process, instead of just kind of like snowballing into these, the next thing, the next thing, the next thing, the next thing, I'm able to pause a little bit more and just, yeah, have more space in my life. Like we, this weekend we've been inside all, or last weekend we were inside all weekend because the weather was terrible. Yeah, we have a three-year-old boy and a five-year-old boy and it the house just felt like it exploded right With whatever their activities were, and then it took us 20 minutes to put it back together at night, and so it just like, yeah, I don't know it's, it's been so nice to just have less, less time commitments, less variety of things, less everything it's, it's really that and that's.

Diana Rene: 20:10

I think that's just so interesting. I think that was one of the very first times that I realized how life-changing just going through this process was was when both of my kids got sick at the same time. And you know, as a mom, you know that you're like, you're like, okay, I have 48 to 72 hours before I also am sick now and you're coughing in your face and all of the above, and I just remember when everyone in the house is sick and the house just kind of falls apart because no, you're in survival mode, no one's really doing anything, we're just trying to live Right. And I remember, prior to decluttering, how frustrating that would be, because it would take me, it felt, like two weeks to like finally get back on track, because there was just so much buildup and after decluttering it was like, oh, it's just like a quick pickup for everyone and we're back and we're back into routine, and it was just so easy to come out of that survival mode and get back to that baseline.

Sydney Hoben: 21:17

Oh it's so true, Definitely and within 72 hours. And for some reason, you're going to get it worse than everybody else.

Diana Rene: 21:23

Yeah, exactly yeah. And in our house dad just doesn't ever get sick, so it's like extra not fair.

Sydney Hoben: 21:33

I feel like that might be a general consensus. At least it's here to James. My husband will get sick for maybe 24, 48 hours. Yeah, you're good to go Meanwhile. A week later I'm barely recovering.

Diana Rene: 21:48

And then the next virus comes, and then we've got the next daycare session.

Sydney Hoben: 21:53

Absolutely One thing about so Michael is our little boy that has autism and he one of his things that he used to do and I just was thinking about he hasn't done it much lately is find objects like objects and make like piles or lines of them.

Sydney Hoben: 22:11

So that could mean shoes, I mean shoot like every shoe in the house would be going down the hallway, going up the stairs, wrapping around the couch, and before we doing this, that type of thing would just be like oh Mike, now we've got to figure we could put everybody's shoes back.

Sydney Hoben: 22:33

He would be upset when we tried to do it and, and it would be anything, he had these little plastic animals that were his absolute thing and he still very much loves them.

Sydney Hoben: 22:43

But I remember after we started doing this process, when the shoes would come out or every blanket would be piled in the living room, there was just so much less overwhelm because there was just shoes or just blankets and not everything else that has been going on in life, and so we were kind of able to just let him move through that and I'm telling you like this has been such a key thing for us and helping Mike like live his best life right, like not having the stuff on the counters that triggers meltdowns, like cookies or food or all the things that we might have to say no to that are now put away Like it just had it. It literally took the stress level like half our stress level, which was awesome because, um, we're still very much learning about Mike and autism and how to like be the best parents we can be for him, but having that low stress environment just helped everyone across the board, which was really nice.

Diana Rene: 23:51

Yeah, that makes sense. It's just a calmer environment that doesn't have as much stimuli around that is potential for causing any issues. It sounds like Absolutely yeah, very cool. Well, what do you think the hardest part when you were going through the program and going through your home? What do you think the hardest part of decluttering was for you?

Sydney Hoben: 24:15

My gosh, it is still family memorabilia Like yeah, yes, I will tell you, my last one was probably a month ago and I got it down to these like five giant totes, and it's still just kind of hanging in the back of my mind?

Diana Rene: 24:32

And are these things that were given to you or things that, like you, held on to over the years?

Sydney Hoben: 24:44

So a little bit of both things that were given to me. I I've kind of got it down to the point where I found the objects that like really spark a memory or mean something to me and I'm at the point where I can have them, like on my dresser, where I can actually enjoy them, and then the rest of the stuff is like pictures that I will inevitably that I've now gotten into one box, which feels like a massive accomplishment. Yeah, I was just kind of carrying so much more than just the objects, if that makes sense, like it. I have my mom's wedding dress, I have dishes and teacups from all over the world, from my great grandma. I have all of these beautiful things but I also live in a total boy household.

Sydney Hoben: 25:25

That doesn't really give me the ability to put a lot of the things out or, honestly, some of the stuff that I had just totally forgot about.

Sydney Hoben: 25:34

And now I look at it and I'm like I know this was supposed to mean something to me but I don't know what it is anymore and that part has been kind of relieving afterwards. The initial stuff, like I make my husband take it to where it needs to go, right, like if something is going in the trash. I'm like, okay, I'm going to turn around and walk away and you're going to take that and put it in the trash, and I'm going to be done Because, like I can't for some reason, like there's that weird emotional tie to some of it and I just couldn't be the one. And now that it's gone and I have those little things that I truly do enjoy, like they're so much more enjoyable because I know there's not 50 where that one item came from, right, yeah, and still just trying to, I know I'm going to get it down more, but right now five is where it's going to sit until I have the energy to do it again more.

Diana Rene: 26:28

But right now, five is where it's going to sit until I have the energy to do it again. Yeah, well, and I think that that brings up an important point, is that that's the beauty of simplifying is that it doesn't mean you have to get rid of everything right, like you get to keep the things that do mean something to you. And people change. That's hard to remember when we're going through our items, like that's a big, that's a really big one, especially for women with clothing and with their children's toys. Like those two things really stand out. And like people change. Like he's not two anymore, he doesn't need that, he never will. And like clothes, like people change. Like you're not the same person you were when you bought this 17 years ago and maybe it doesn't fit like your lifestyle right now, and so that's one of those things that we have to remember when we're going through our things.

Diana Rene: 27:22

But we also have to remember that, like, the goal is not to get to zero and having it sounds like you've done a really good job of being able to decipher between, like these are the things that really actually mean something to me and these are the things that were given to me that I'm being told are supposed to mean something to me, but don't really Right and that's been the biggest thing too is like the action was very kind.

 

Sydney Hoben: 27:51

I appreciate the thought process of what went into me getting this, but, like I think a lot of it speaks to, like you said, lifestyle, but just moms in 2024, we are not the same that moms were 20 years ago or even 10 years ago, and so the items that were kind of passed ago or even 10 years ago and so that we're kind of passed down and gifted, have become more of like a okay, I have this giant China set. What am I going to do with this? Like I don't, we don't host dinner parties, we don't necessarily have the same traditions and, honestly, china and my household just sounds like an absolute nightmare with my nose. So I was like I think this is just one of those things that you know. I took a picture of it, I saved one play.

Sydney Hoben: 28:37

I've researched like you know little things you can do with it. Like on Etsy there's a. You can send them one of the China plates and they'll make you like a key chain or a necklace pendant, and that to me is so much easier than a 12 person five course dish set that I will never, never use Just takes up a little bit of space.

Sydney Hoben: 28:59

A little bit of space, nice and light and, you know, compact. Yes, yes, yes.

Diana Rene: 29:06

Yeah, I love that Well. Well, like I said, I think that you did a really good job. You know figuring out what, and I know you said you got it down to five and maybe one day you won't need to. But I would encourage you to give yourself grace with that also, because it's okay to have five things that mean something to you. It's okay to have 20 things that mean something to you.

Diana Rene: 29:29

You know, the point, or the goal, is to just let go of the excess in all different categories, because just and this is kind of like a side example this isn't really like heirlooms or anything like that. But for me I am not a hoster like you were just talking about the idea of hosting makes me break out in cold sweats. It's not something I get excited about, and so I don't need all of the extra kitchen things for hosting, because I'm just not going to host, and if I am, we probably are going to have a barbecue and use paper plates and call it a day. But you know, my, a good friend of mine is like the ultimate host and she hosts like multiple times a month for various things, and so that is important to her. So having those extra kitchen. Things are important to her, so it's just one of those things where we have to look at what's important to us specifically in our lifestyle and our family and cut the excess in other places.

Diana Rene: 30:35

Absolutely, yeah, awesome. Well, what do you think has been if you had to only pick one which I know that can be hard, which I know that can be hard? If you had to only pick one, what is the biggest benefit that you or your family has seen from ruthlessly decluttering the stress level?

Sydney Hoben: 30:55

like the low, low stress level. I mean, let me say it this way, kiddos, life, all of the things like we are in no short supply of things that we are committed to, to things that need to be going, our schedules are insane, all that type of stuff. But like, for some reason, having a clean home or just a home it's not even that it's clean, just like a minimally messy home to come home to is really just so relaxing at the end of the day and being able to go to bed and think, okay, when we get up in the morning, everything is going to be where I need it to be and we can kind of continue our chaos from there.

Diana Rene: 31:38

Right, like if that baseline, I think, is the best thing that came from this yeah, I completely relate to that and I think that that is one of the most like underrated aspects of decluttering. I don't think it's talked about enough is just that we all like decluttering is not going to take away all stress from your life. Like you're still human, you're still living a human life. There are going to be problems, there's going to be stress, but when we take away that home environment stress, we are just giving ourselves the gift of having a clearer baseline to start your day and end your day with, versus adding that stress on top of your normal everyday stress. Exactly, yeah for sure. If someone's listening right now and they've been on the fence for a while about joining the program, what would you tell them?

Sydney Hoben: 32:40

I would say that it's going to be worth every penny. If that's what's holding you up, it's definitely worth it. The time and money that you will save on the back end of things is well over the amount of money that it costs to purchase the program. Like I said, it has created such clarity and space in my life that I wouldn't trade it for anything. It has just been absolutely worth every penny and it will not be easy, but it will definitely be worth it.

Diana Rene: 33:10

Yeah, I love that and that just makes my heart so happy because I just know how much these methods have changed my life and so anytime anyone goes through the program, it just makes me so happy because we know that, we know how life changing it and seeing another person go through that and have them and their family reap the benefits of it is just like the ultimate, the ultimate happy day.

Sydney Hoben: 33:38

Well, I know, I appreciate it so much yeah.

Diana Rene: 33:41

Well, I really appreciate you coming on and just kind of sharing your story and I'm really hoping that the next like 15 years of your life are less like. You know, it's kind of it reminds me of that meme like during COVID, where it was like I could really go for some precedented times.

Sydney Hoben: 34:01

I hope you have precedented times.

Diana Rene: 34:06

I appreciate that so much. I really do. Thank you so much, Sydney. Thanks for hanging out and listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world if you could write a review or share this episode with a friend or your Instagram stories. And if you're on Instagram, be sure to follow me at thedeclutteredmom and send me a DM to say hi. I'd love to hear what you thought about today's episode. I hope you'll come back next week and hang out with us again.