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Diana Rene: 0:06

You're listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast, a podcast built specifically for busy moms by a busy mom. I'm your host, Diana Rene, and in 2017, I had my second daughter and it felt like I was literally drowning in my home okay, not literally, but I felt like I couldn't breathe with all of the stuff surrounding me. Over the next 10 months, I got rid of approximately 70% of our household belongings and I have never looked back. I kind of feel like I hacked the mom system and I'm here to share all the tips, tricks and encouragement. Let's listen to today's show. Welcome to this episode of the Decluttered Mom podcast.

Diana Rene: 0:53

Today, I'm going to do another episode based on a question that I got in a DM, and I'm curious. If you guys like these, let me know in a DM, full circle, right? Just send me a DM on Instagram at thedeclutteredmom. I'm always curious and I want to make sure that we are doing things in a way that you guys enjoy and you get value out of, because that is the whole point of why we are here, why I'm speaking into this microphone and why you're listening right, and so I do know if you've been listening for a while. We also have call-in episodes, so if you want to call in, essentially, you can click the link in the show notes of this episode and you can very simply like it's a super simple process record a voice note, essentially, and ask your question, and then that comes through to me and, starting in a couple of months, we are going to be doing one of those episodes every single week, because we're going to be switching to two episodes per week, which is really exciting, and we got really good feedback from the one call-in show we did I think it's a couple of months ago now, but we got really good feedback from that, and so we think this is going to be a really fun thing to do. That's, again, helpful and valuable to you guys and gets you more involved with the show also.

Diana Rene: 2:15

So the question today that I got in a DM is we clean, and later there are things everywhere I feel like I'm decluttering. Often, though, have I not done enough, and I said that this was a question that was sent to me via DM, which is very true, but, in all honesty, I have gotten like, probably over the course of the six years I've been in business, I've probably gotten this question I don't even know how many times like probably thousands of times, just in a different variation or different wording. This is just so common and it's frustrating because we want to see the fruits of our labor. We want to be able to do something and then see a change. And so if the change doesn't happen or, more often than not, the change happens for a couple of days or a couple of weeks it's frustrating when it goes back to the way it was. So, just like she said, we clean and later there are things everywhere.

Diana Rene: 3:19

I feel like I'm decluttering often. Have I not done enough? I'm decluttering often. Have I not done enough? So that's what it makes us feel like right, because if we declutter, here's the loop we declutter, a few days or weeks goes by and it goes back to how it was, maybe even worse. So we feel like what's the point, right? So then it feels more like a seasonal thing where, yeah, it makes the house feel nice for a few days, like you know, kind of spring cleaning vibes, where you're like, okay, I'm going to declutter now and just like reset the house, and you do that a couple times a year.

Diana Rene: 3:54

But there's just there's no way that it's this like like big, life-changing, sustainable thing, like you guys often hear me talking about or you hear the women who complete my program talk about. It doesn't make sense to you because that has not been your experience. Your experience is not like decluttering is life-changing. Your experience is I declutter all the time and nothing happens. It just goes back to normal. Something's got to give. Why is this working for someone else and it's not working for me? So then you start to wonder what's wrong with you. Why can others get it together and I can't? And that is just not a good feeling in any sense of the word. So it just creates that loop over and over and over.

Diana Rene: 4:42

Because you know that, like you logically understand that decluttering would make your life easier, because you're constantly doing it and you just go through this loop of it not really working, or working a tiny bit, but then going back and it's I know I keep saying frustrating. That's the word that keeps coming to mind for me, but it's also like defeating, because who wants to just keep doing something that you're not getting any results? So let's talk about why this happens Again. This is so common. So if this is you, you are not alone. This is just like more common than I can even express to you.

Diana Rene: 5:31

There are normally two reasons that this cycle happens. Number one let's talk about both of them. I'll just list them first and then we're going to go deeper into each one. So, number one you're not being ruthless enough when you're decluttering. Number two there are no habits, systems or routines put in for maintenance. Okay, one of those things is happening all of the time, but most of the time it's actually both of those. So let's break those down a little bit more.

Diana Rene: 6:00

So number one again is just not decluttering ruthless enough, and what I mean by that is that when you're decluttering, you're not getting rid of enough stuff, and so no wonder it feels like it builds up again because the threshold is really high. It's kind of like you have a cup of water and it is like. Like you have a cup of water and it is like overflowing and you pour out like a tablespoon. We live a normal life, right? So like we constantly have new things coming into our home, from our kids, from ourselves, from work, from school, from the block party you went to, from camp, like you constantly have things coming back into your home, so think how quickly that tablespoon of water fills back up and it's overflowing again, right, and so why are we not decluttering ruthlessly enough?

Diana Rene: 6:55

Usually because of several things. I think the biggest one is that we have emotional obstacles. So we have these emotional ties to our stuff as we're going through decluttering. And an emotional obstacle is anything that comes up for you when you pick up something to declutter and whatever your brain is telling you in that moment not to get rid of it. That is an emotional obstacle. So some of the things may be.

Diana Rene: 7:21

You know you pick up a shirt and you say like I don't really wear this, but I got this from my old friend in college and like she was really important to me and like I just feel bad getting rid of it. Or maybe you pick it up and you're like I spent way too much money on this and I feel like it's wasteful to just let go of it, even though I don't really wear it. Or if it's like, oh, I really like this shirt, I keep forgetting that I have it, I promise myself I'm going to wear it again, and we both know you're not going to wear it again. Or it's, you pick it up and you think I just feel like the world is, the environment is falling apart and if I put this in the landfill, like I'm like contributing to that and so I'm just going to hold on to it. So those are just a few, but basically it's anything that comes up for you in your mind emotionally when you are considering letting go of something and think about how many things you have in your home. Like, just stop for a moment and if you are home, letting go of something, and think about how many things you have in your home, like, just stop for a moment and if you are home, look around. If you're not home, just think about it. Think about how many items are even just think about one space, think about your kitchen, think about how many items are in your kitchen, and so you're having to make these micro decisions for every single thing in your home. And that's tiring. On a good day, that's extra, extra tiring if you don't know how to overcome and work through these emotional obstacles. Because when you do learn how to overcome them, it just goes faster. It goes so much faster because you are able to pick up that shirt. That emotional obstacle comes up for you, you're able to work through it very quickly and then the shirt is gone, and not always. Let me clarify that we're not getting rid of everything in your home, right, but we're talking about the things that really should be gone, but the emotional obstacles are causing you to hold on to them. So that's the first thing.

Diana Rene: 9:27

The second is logistics People get really frustrated with, like I don't know what to do with the stuff. I don't want it in my house, but I don't know where to put it. And so like I don't know, like how do I do this? How do I make sure that I'm getting the donation stuff to where they're supposed to go to? And like how do I know even where to donate to? And like how much stuff should I donate before I do take it in? And how am I supposed to do that when I am already really, really busy? And so then you drive around with donations in your trunk for two years and it's still there.

Diana Rene: 10:01

It's the logistics side. It's just feeling really overwhelming. It's feeling like another to-do on your list which you don't need. Another to-do, right? And then there's analysis, paralysis, which is just like where do I begin? The whole home feels like it's overflowing, it feels suffocating, I feel like I'm drowning. How I don't understand when do I begin? How do I do this? So all of those right, all of those things are going to cause us to not be ruthless enough and that's not a good feeling. Number one and number two it's just not getting. It's just taking that tablespoon of water out of the cup, maybe even a teaspoon at times, and so everything. When we start to have things coming back into our home which is basically the same day, likely, right, it just feels like you didn't do anything and it feels like the waste, and then that cycle begins.

Diana Rene: 10:58

Okay, so that's number one. The number two is no habits, systems or routines are implemented to maintain the decluttered space. So maybe you, like I said, most of the time both of these are happening, but maybe you really have figured out the decluttering thing, maybe you've learned how to be super ruthless and you've got it and you're good to go and you declutter your closet and you feel really good, and then you don't put any systems or routines or habits into place and so we're building that closet right back up again, kind of like we just talked about with the water cup. So same exact picture you have the overflowing cup of water. This time maybe you take out four tablespoons of water. So you're feeling really, really good and it does last a little bit longer that feeling and the space does stay decluttered a little bit longer. But it doesn't hold up to the test of time where we are bringing things back into our home because we have no systems or routines for maintaining that decluttered space. So we have nothing.

Diana Rene: 12:09

That's happening to number one dictate what's coming into our home. That's happening to number one dictate what's coming into our home. But then number two dictating what gets to stay in our home and gets to take up real estate in our home. So what is the solution? Number one is being ruthless. And again, you can't be ruthless if you don't know how to overcome those emotional obstacles, understand the logistics and also know exactly where to begin, which is where I can help you in my program. But number two is those HSRs. If you can really learn how to declutter really ruthlessly and efficiently in a way that doesn't make it feel very overwhelming or heavy on the decision fatigue side, then we're going to put in those habit, systems and routines to stop the overflow back into the cup of water, if that makes sense, right? So there's a couple of things you can follow, a system in order from least difficult spaces to most difficult spaces. We can work on those emotional obstacles and learn how to overcome them. We can become really familiar with the logistics of getting things out of our home and making it as easy as possible, and then we can get into the arena of our home being completely transformed and really feel very life-changing and not falling back into the trap of the cycle.

Diana Rene: 13:36

So I hope that answers your question of why this is happening and why it feels like you're constantly decluttering and you have nothing to show for it, and also how you can get out of it is by fixing all of those things that I mentioned. That feels overwhelming. I get it so just taking it step by step, and again, I can help you in my program I also have free trainings. All of the above, we'll have everything in the show notes, but I want to end this with just saying that you need to give yourself grace, because nobody taught you this right. Like you didn't grow up learning how to determine whether or not a physical item should number one be brought into your home. Number two if you should keep it. Number three what to do with it if you don't want to keep it. Number four, how to make sure that you're like, just have these healthy emotional ties to our things and then you're also able to have the healthy relationship with your things to let them go if they're not serving you in your home. So that's very normal and that's very common, and I want you to just give yourself grace, because it's not.

Diana Rene: 14:45

It's very rare for someone to know how to do those things, and if you're listening to this podcast, I'm guessing you were never taught how and so it's not your fault. You're not doing anything bad. It's not because you don't have it together, it's just you don't have those skills yet and you haven't learned how to do it yet. And that's what I'm here to do to help you all over this podcast and my Instagram and inside the paid program. So if you have questions, please send them via DM or, even better, go in the show notes and click on the link where you can leave me a voice note, because these are so fun and, like I said, we're going to be doing a lot of them in the near future and it's just it's fun. It reminds me of like old school call-in radio shows, but I love hearing your voices and hearing the emotion behind what you're asking, and I think that tells me a lot more and gives me more ideas of where to go so that I can truly, truly help you, as you are just needing guidance and needing help.

Diana Rene: 15:48

Thanks for hanging out and listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world if you could write a review or share this episode with a friend or your Instagram stories. And if you're on Instagram, be sure to follow me at thedeclutteredmom and send me a DM to say hi. I'd love to hear what you thought about today's episode. I hope you'll come back next week and hang out with us again.