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Diana Rene: 0:06

You're listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast, a podcast built specifically for busy moms by a busy mom. I'm Diana Rene your host, , and in 2017, I had my second daughter and it felt like I was literally drowning in my home okay, not literally, but I felt like I couldn't breathe with all of the stuff surrounding me. Over the next 10 months, I got rid of approximately 70% of our household belongings and I have never looked back. I kind of feel like I hacked the mom system and I'm here to share all the tips, tricks and encouragement. Let's listen to today's show. Welcome to The Decluttered Mom this episode of podcast.

Diana Rene: 0:53

So a while ago I would say maybe two months ago on my Instagram, I posted a series of stories just asking for your feedback on a lot of various podcast questions I had for you, like do you prefer solo episodes? Do you prefer guest episodes? How long do you wish the episodes were? Tell me everything. Tell me anything that you want to hear or listen to on the podcast. A big one that I've talked about before on here was this audio quality. So we've worked really hard on that and I think we've done a pretty good job of getting it back up. But one of the things that we heard over and over and over was that you love the member episodes. And what I mean by member episodes is when I have women come on who have gone through my decluttering program and just talked through their experience and kind of where their life was and where their home was prior to decluttering through and just talked through their experience and kind of where their life was and where their home was prior to decluttering through my program and then how it was after and just all of the lessons that they learned and the advice that they have and all of the above right. And so we heard over and over that these were super inspirational, they were motivating and you love them and you want more. So today we have a member Her name is Dana and I'm really excited to share this conversation with you because of just how much decluttering in general and the program was able to help her through some of these really big emotional blocks she had when it came to decluttering.

Diana Rene: 2:26

And it all began when she joined my free five-day decluttering challenge, which we only do two times per year right now we do one in January and then we do one sometime in the summer, and I'm really excited to tell you that we are having our free five-day challenge starting Sunday, june 23rd. So if you're listening to this before that date, or even if it's a couple of days after, make sure you register in the link that we have, either in the show notes or you can also go to my Instagram, and it's the link that I have in my bio. In my Instagram. You can also DM me and ask for it if you'd like to.

Diana Rene: 3:07

But this is a totally free five-day thing where you're going to get one simple task each of the five days. That takes 15 minutes or less, and the thing is is a lot of times we will see challenges where people join and then they have to spend like three hours doing some big task and then it's really hard to stay motivated and it's also hard to kind of know where you're going and how the momentum is going to happen. The way I've designed my challenge is that you have to only do these very short tasks each day, but they pack a big punch, and what I mean by that is that they make a big difference in the feeling of that space that you're working on, and that's the key to kickstarting the momentum in a decluttering journey that's going to last, that's going to actually be really efficient and manageable and sustainable for you and for your home you and for your home. And we've been doing these challenges since 2018, which is crazy to think about. That feels like a very long time, and we have had I don't even know how many. We had something like 40,000 women go through it in January of this year, and so, like I said, we only do this two times a year.

Diana Rene: 4:20

I'm very excited because you caught us right in time and you can join us. So make sure again, check the link in my bio on Instagram or you can grab the link in the show notes of this podcast episode. But, without further ado, let's just listen to the conversation between me and our member, dana. All right, so today we have with me Dana, and Dana is someone who is a member of our Minimalist Starts here community. Welcome, dana. Hi, thank you so much for having me. Yeah, I'm so excited to chat with you. Can you just share a little bit about who you are and kind of what made you want to start decluttering in the first place and kind of what made you want to start decluttering in the first place.

Dana: 5:14

Well, I am in Colorado and I am a mom of two babies Earthside and two on the other side. I have an 11-year-old daughter and I have an 18-month-old son, and so I think he's probably the reason why I'm decluttering now. I thought we had gotten rid of the majority of things after my daughter, but then he came along and here's all the baby stuff again. So I found you through Facebook and I think it was the, the weekly challenge, and I still had stuff from when I was in high school and I was in college. I'm 48 now so I said, well, I guess I haven't really gotten rid of that much stuff. So that's really what got me going was a seven day challenge, and I think it was maybe two or three days, and I said I'm just joining the program, so I'm doing that now and I've started the accelerator program and I'm getting your text messages.

Diana Rene: 6:09

So I think part of that is like necessary and then another part of that is just what everyone tells us we're supposed to have for babies, so we buy it, and then a lot of it just doesn't even get used.

Dana: 6:38

You are so right. I am like the epitome of the bassinet that holds all my laundry. And then I tried to put him in containers. Like my daughter had hip dysplasia so I couldn't really put her in containers. So I was sure that my son would need, you know, a carrier. You know two types of carriers and all these containers, but he just won't be in one. So, and then I was bed sharing for the longest time. So, uh, I mean we still are, so you know, and I breastfeeding didn't go as planned in the beginning, so I had a lot of pump supplies also. So it's funny how what we think we need and what we don't need and what, like you said perfectly what people tell us we need. And I've got boxes full of toys for him, but he doesn't really want the toys, you know, he wants to play with the cardboard box.

Diana Rene: 7:30

Yes, spatulas, exactly Elite toy. Yeah Well, and it's funny because it's so like, logically, we can understand that these are different humans that we have as kids. But at the same time it's like what do you mean you don't want, you can't sleep in that bassinet? What do you mean you don't like this type of bottle your sister did Like? It's like so hard to comprehend why what works for one baby totally doesn't work for another baby.

Dana: 7:55

And he was. You know he came early. He came about six weeks early, so he was in the NICU so he had a lot of. I didn't really have really tiny clothes. But now he's so big, he's like 98 percentile, you know, at 17 months. So he's in two months like two T, whereas like for a couple of months he was in the baby. So now I'm out of clothes, so I'm thinking oh gosh. I've got to go down to ARC or get something you know, get some clothes.

Diana Rene: 8:23

Right, I know they do grow so fast, but something that happened in our house with you know, hand-me-downs is a very common question I get Like, what should we save for future kids? And when it comes to clothes or toys or all of the above, and I saved, like for after my first, I saved like every outfit because I was like, oh, this is perfect If I ever have another girl. I can just never have to buy baby clothes ever again. And then I had a girl, but she has grown faster than her big sister and so she's been like in the opposite season for the size clothes and it's like none of this has fit since she was like six months old. So my plan completely backfired. And now she there are no hand-me-downs because it doesn't work.

Dana: 9:14

And we were kind of the drop-off for everybody. So we had I have a niece and a nephew and my daughter's kind of like not into her style anymore, and then I had friends and so she's taller than the other girl. And then we have a little guy that's about the same age as Q, but he's a smaller dude. So I was like you know, nothing works anymore, but people are still dropping it off at the house. So, I'm like I probably need to start setting some boundaries about what I have coming in.

Diana Rene: 9:42

It's like they're using you as like a donation center, but they're like feeling good about it because they're giving it to a friend, right?

Dana: 9:49

And my daughter. You know she's 11. So she, her styles change, changes a lot, and so and then you know, of course, like puberty she doesn't really want to admit, like her body's changing. So that's another, that's another, probably one for offline. I need to bring about. Perfect.

Diana Rene: 10:10

So, prior to joining the challenge, when did you say that you joined that? How long ago, gosh?

Dana: 10:17

I'd like to say maybe six months. I feel like it was six months, I feel like it was. It's been a while, but not that long.

Diana Rene: 10:25

Okay, so before you joined that challenge and you saw it on Facebook, just talk to me about how you were feeling overall in your home.

Dana: 10:41

I was feeling overwhelmed. I'm kind of a, you know I like to organize and put stuff in its place, but I just held on to a lot of things from my past and I'm in recovery now, so, with sobriety, I have a lot of things tied to stuff. So I thought I was pretty organized but I found that I was not and I just had too many things. And it was getting to the point where and I always think of one of the major things that always stuck with me was you saying, you know, once we let go of things, that allows other things to come in, and it really not only just with stuff but just with opportunities. And you know experiences, ever since I started decluttering, everything kind of just started to roll in a positive direction.

Dana: 11:25

So it's and I don't know how to explain that. Maybe you could for me, but um, in, in just kind of acknowledging and I and not to give away secrets, but how you said, you know, once you spent the money, it's gone Right, and that one was huge for me. So between that and when I let go of stuff, and even in my, in my business, I say, you know, if I let go of these things and better things will come in. That's what Diana Renee says, so it works in all areas. So it's just really made a huge difference in my life.

Diana Rene: 11:57

Yeah, I think that's you know.

Diana Rene: 11:59

There are many things throughout the program that members have told me like this this thing was the light bulb moment and that's you know.

Diana Rene: 12:06

That's one of them, and I think it's so true because, especially when you're talking about being in recovery, that adds an entirely different layer, because there's so much there with just how your overall mood and energy is throughout the day Right, and so if we are able to kind of give yourself a clean slate and be okay, what I'm trying to say is basically, when we declutter, it makes us feel like things are easier.

Diana Rene: 12:41

And the truth of the matter is, a lot of the time we're still human, we're still going to have problems, we're still going to have fights with our spouses, we're still going to have, like you know, something's going to break in our house. It's an unexpected expense. We're still going to have issues right, but our baseline is different because we're not living in an environment that's adding to that stress. So when we can take away that stress, we're able to just operate at a different level, at a baseline, and so it just kind of makes everything feel a little bit easier. And when everything feels a little bit easier, things start to feel like they're just kind of going your way or they're just a little bit easier to handle.

Dana: 13:22

I think you're so right and I also really, in the beginning I was kind of like this is my project. My daughter and my husband didn't really want to get rid of anything and he kind of had, like you know, a shed full of stuff. The garage was just tore up, I mean it was, it was bad and and so he was just like I'm not getting rid of anything. But you said it perfectly that as you start to do it, they'll start to pick up on it and then you know.

Dana: 13:48

then there's days where he's down. Now he's kind of on a mission. He's cleaned out the shed, he's cleaned the garage, he's working on the yard and it just it's. It really has been so much better than me, like begging him, pleading, you know, getting PO'd, like just everything I've tried in the past. It was literally just a work on yourself and things fall into place.

Diana Rene: 14:09

So yes, absolutely. I think prior to kind of figuring out my methods, that were honestly just like something I had to figure out for my own life initially is that anytime I went through any type of decluttering and sometimes even just cleaning, you know, it was very easy to have tension in the house. And I think this, just by going through these methods and then also the final byproduct, it's just takes away a lot of that it really does.

Dana: 14:45

And so I just thank you so much and have so much gratitude for you. And, like I said, I thought I was a pretty organized person, but I just hung on to a lot of things and I think there's a point, when you have so much stuff, it's just overwhelming to even consider where to start. And I think there's a point when you have so much stuff, it's just overwhelming to even consider where to start. And so with your program, or when I did the challenge, it was super, you know, super easy, one day at a time, and everything is just falling into place. So now I'm doing the accelerator with you and so I'm kind of doing another pass and, like you said, you get more ruthless, you know the second and third time around.

Diana Rene: 15:18

So you really, really do, and it's. It's interesting because we all know that you can't just declutter once and the rest of your life you never have to think about it again because it's a very you know we live in a very consumeristic society. But not only that, even things that are against our will are brought into our home, like just think about school and how much stuff is brought home from school from even like one kid at a time.

Dana: 15:43

It's, and I've been. And when I first started decluttering, like I think I've got a couple, couple memory boxes of my daughter's stuff and she wanted me to keep, and then we'll go back through, and she's like, what is that? You know, I'm like, well, you love that when you were three, you know. And she's like, oh my gosh, that is so embarrassing. So I think, you know, now, as she gets older, I'll let her go through the memory. But I even have like an old leotard from when I was a kid. Yeah, and you know, then my mom is bringing be, doing it, and I have a tendency to, you know, purchase things and then go, gosh, it was, I didn't really need that. Or you know, she's having an event. I want to get her a couple of things, or so I'm really trying now to do the one in, one out. I've always heard of it, but I'm getting better with that.

Diana Rene: 16:32

So yeah, I love that. Yeah, there's. I mean there are definitely things you can do, just even on like a daily basis or a weekly basis. But we teach inside the program that when you're done you really should go into like what we call maintenance mode, and so there are different points throughout the year. We recommend you going through the whole home again, and for someone who has never gone through the whole home through our program, that sounds extremely overwhelming. But our members know that after the first time it just goes really fast and so by the time you get to even the third or fourth time, you go through the whole home. You might go through the whole home in an hour and a half because you've built up that decluttering muscle, you know what questions to ask yourself, you know how to do it in a really efficient manner, and so it's just really simple to do once you get into that routine. So I love that you're doing the accelerator now.

Diana Rene: 17:28

But we, as you may or may not know, we had to move out of our house for three months because of some issues in the home and we also had to get rid of about 80% of our belongings because of this home issue.

Diana Rene: 17:44

And it was fascinating to me because, as you know, we are pretty minimal to begin with, but getting rid of those 80% of our items like there are obviously things we had to go out and rebuy right away, like trash cans and you know different things like that. But besides that we've been purposely not just going out and rebuying everything that we had, because we're kind of experimenting with like, well, what is it like with even less, and it's been very interesting. It's been like PM pickups been a lot faster. Less, and it's been very interesting. It's been like PM pickup's been a lot faster. There's been little things that the girls have been like oh I really miss this toy which we've been replacing, since it's not their fault, we had to get rid of basically all their toys. But it's just been really, really fascinating to see. It's just a great reminder of living with less and getting rid of the excess stuff, how much time it frees up and how much easier it is to just keep the house in order if that makes sense.

Dana: 18:46

Oh, it totally does. And I was thinking while you were saying that, I was thinking, you know, you get used to having all the stuff and it becomes overwhelming. But then once you declutter and you start to scale down, then you get used to things looking tight. So, you know, in the evening you know we're now doing the PM pickup like okay, my daughter's like are we going to do it tonight? And I'm like, well, there's not really any to do. You know, like I've been on top of it. So it's getting to the point where, like you said, that maintenance phase and then kind of just getting into the processes to keep it, keep it tight. And I, you know, I'm looking around my office now and it's not minimalist at all. So I'm thinking, you know, maybe I'm ready to do another pass, but, like you said, I think I'm going to just stay in the maintenance, stay with accelerator and just slowly get back into, you know, an intense mode, totally.

Diana Rene: 19:39

Yeah, because you're going to continue to rebuild that muscle. You know, as you go through the whole process again, but it does, it just is great because it becomes so much easier and it doesn't feel as overwhelming to like think about decluttering a room, or you know multiple rooms even it just it's like working out, it's like exercising. You know, like the first time you try to lift weights it's really hard, and the next time it's a little bit easier and you kind of get it a little bit more, and so it's just something that's really, really beneficial as you are working through it for the first time is to remember that the first time is the hardest, because this is new right yeah, and I love how you said you know, um, in the program, you know, we just get attached to things, we have emotional attachments and I don't my daughter's, like you, really don't have any clothes.

Dana: 20:36

And I said, no, I'm, you know, I'm a stay-at-home mom, pretty much like I work out of the house, and I don't. My my daughter's, like you, really don't have any clothes. And I said, no, I'm, you know, I'm a stay at home mom, pretty much like I work out of the house, like I don't have to have clothes. She was like, what about daddy's clothes? I said, well, he's not quite there yet, but he's doing great on the outside of the house. So I said maybe we could go through some time and I could just like get rid of it, keep it, and even when we go shopping like she's going to go away to camp, overnight camp. So we went to get stuff and she got all this stuff and I said let's go back through and talk about our budget and talk about how much we want to bring in and do we want to get rid of some stuff. So now she's just doing it on her own, which I never thought would happen. So, yeah, so it's changed our lives.

Dana: 21:13

I know you hear that all the time and you don't need the strokes because you know the business is successful, but it really does change so much.

Diana Rene: 21:22

Isn't that amazing, the first time your kid comes to you and is like can we donate this?

Dana: 21:27

Well, and you have to be like okay with it.

Diana Rene: 21:30

Right, exactly.

Dana: 21:31

So for a while she like stashed some stuff I gave her, my mom gave her, and she's like I just don't think the grandmas know that like what my style is anymore. And I said, well, I don't think anybody does, because you're changing, you know, as a young girl. But so I was like you know, you don't have to feel bad about getting rid of something I got you, like that's okay and so that's a huge thing too. You know like, oh, that's my little girl, like you don't want to wear a floral dress anymore. And then she went through like a punk rock stage and now she's kind of cottage core. So it's yeah so and she's like well, I just got rid of that and I don't think we need those political shirts anymore. And I was like, okay, cool, you know.

Diana Rene: 22:06

Yeah Well, and I love that you said that, because that is actually a common obstacle that start can start to happen is sometimes our kids pick up on things really quickly when it comes to decluttering. Like I would say, like I know this is a stereotype or generalization, but I would say most kids have a hard time letting go because they just they don't, they don't have the capacity to be like oh, this isn't really something I play with. They see a toy and they're like well, I want to play with the toy, and so it can be hard, right, and so like I get my daughter, my youngest and I hear this all the time from some members is like loves to hold on to, like every possible paper, like she used to hold on to like random junk mail because it was special to her.

Diana Rene: 22:53

She would say you know so, like they hold on to things that don't really make sense to the adult brain. But once they get it like once, they are like oh, if I don't have a lot of toys in my room then it takes me only five minutes to clean my room when I have to clean it. And that is amazing. And sometimes it takes a while for that to happen, but once it does, what I see sometimes is the mom is having a hard time with the child letting go of little kid things.

Diana Rene: 23:27

Because, you know, even when we're going through the playroom or things like that, a lot of times moms will have a hard time because they think of the emotional attachment or it's like oh, I remember like you got this at your second birthday and you were so excited, and so we hold on to things for them and if we're not careful we can kind of sabotage their decluttering muscle because we make them second guess, that's perfectly said.

Dana: 23:53

And when you said that, I was thinking my daughter's room is kind of messed right now and she's stressed about it. But I think that's a big thing too, that as hard as it was for us to start decluttering, it's hard for them when they're overwhelmed. So I just said to her hey, you know, I'd love to help you when you're ready to do this closet and let me help. And I help her clean up her room and put up her clothes and um, and a lot of people are like, well, you need to let her do that herself. And I said dude, I I needed Diana Renee to help me do my whole house, so you know can I help my 11 year old put her clothes up and go?

Dana: 24:26

through stuff, why not? And and like you said, it helps bring the whole family in. Now she's doing it on her own and eventually you know she's not going to want me to help her in her room, so let's just take it when we can.

Diana Rene: 24:38

Absolutely so.

Diana Rene: 24:40

The thing is, especially when we're developing systems in our home and with kids is a lot of times I will hear from moms that they, you know, they see on social media that they're supposed to be having their kids doing X by X age and if they're not, then they feel like they're failing as moms teaching their kids like life skills or life behaviors.

Diana Rene: 25:01

But a great example of this is we had a laundry system for a while where I would wash the girls' clothes, I would dry the girls' clothes and then I would lay them out on the guest room bed and I would fold you know the clothes that needed to be folded, but we hang most of their clothes and so I would just lay those in a pile and I would tell them after school you need to hang these up. Well, for my 10 year old that was like sometimes a little frustrating, but most of the time she was able to get it. Time she was able to get it. But my seven-year-old it was like resulting in tears every time because she couldn't get them to stay. Like she's having a hard time with just motor skills getting them to stay on the hanger, and so what that was doing was basically causing her to have like a negative association with laundry.

Diana Rene: 25:51

And you know. So like, yes, I could push it and I could make her do it and make her be responsible, but at what cost Would I rather hang everything for her but have her be responsible for putting anything that goes in drawers? That's easy for her. So we made that switch when we moved back into the house a couple weeks ago and now she loves laundry because she thinks it's fun, because she gets to put away the things in the different drawers and it's not frustrating for her. So now she has more of a positive association, which is going to obviously help her in the future, as she has to be able to do things in her home.

Dana: 26:30

I love that, I absolutely love that, and that's kind of my thing too. I had a very specific way of how I needed things to be done and that came from, like my upbringing and, and so when I kind of just let her have her way, how she wants to do it, uh, then it works. But then, you know, I get, like you said, I get frustrated because I'm like you know, I do all your laundry and it's then you throw it on the floor and then it ends up back in the laundry. And she, well, it was dirty and I was like I cleaned it. So we actually had a fight about that last night so ironic that I'm here talking to you about that. So she's like you wanted me to get everything off the floor. I'm like that's your clean laundry. So she, I had surgery in March, so she was doing all the laundry, her and my husband, and he just says, like I'm not good at clothes management, so that's like his thing.

Dana: 27:17

So they were doing it. Then after, like I was okay and I was able to function, I said you guys did a really good job. Like guess what? Mom doesn't have to run the show, how she needs to run it, like everybody can express themselves and how they manage stuff.

Diana Rene: 27:31

Yeah, it can be hard to let go of how you want things done specifically, but I totally get what you're saying. So when you're working with your daughter in her room I know you said you wanted to help her with that Something that I think would be helpful is to be in there with her to encourage her, but then give her very specific tasks, like, instead of just like clean your room, which, like you said, feels very overwhelming. Then it can be like let's start with the trash, so go around and get all the trash, and then let's start with and then do the books. So if you give them one specific thing to be looking for, I think it takes the overwhelm out, but I also think it adds an element of kind of fun, almost like a scavenger hunt Can I find all the books?

Dana: 28:17

I love that. And then it's not me being like why didn't you do what I say? Well, geez, you said clean the room Like I'm doing it my way. Yeah, that's perfect.

Diana Rene: 28:24

Yeah, and you're also giving her, like you're helping her, right, but at the same time she's doing the work. She's just doing it in a more structured little like micro way to make it make more sense to an 11 year old brain and what do you think about like timeframes?

Dana: 28:43

You know it's like clean your room and then six hours later it's still not done and she's like I'm overwhelmed. So that's kind of the part of being in there with her and kind of helping Totally.

Diana Rene: 28:54

Yeah, and I think, like I just remember as a kid this is a conversation my mom and I have had actually. So I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago as an adult and it like made my childhood make way more sense. And I'm not saying your daughter has ADHD, but what can happen a lot of times with kids is they walk into a room, they see stuff everywhere, they hear clean your room, and the idea of that like it feels to them and I remember this as a kid too like it felt like it was going to take me three days to do that because it was so messy Right. So just now, when, when my kids you know, when I help them clean the room, if it's gotten out of control, then if we just focus on that one thing and I'm in there with them and we're making it a little bit of fun maybe we're listening to music that they really like, we're talking we're trying to just basically take the pressure out of it and teach them that you can do this and you can do it systematically so that next time when you clean your room you can kind of go through that list yourself.

Diana Rene: 30:01

Okay, I'm gonna get all the trash first, that's all I have to worry about is the trash, and then I'm gonna do the books. That's all I have to worry about, and that's the books. And so it just makes it feel less overwhelming or like insurmountable, than if they just have to walk in and it's like a mountain. What do I do? No, that's awesome.

Dana: 30:20

I'm so, oh, thank you. See the universe again putting you in to save me over here. Thank you so much. That's a great one.

Diana Rene: 30:27

And you know what. That's what I like. That's what I have to do sometimes, because if we like like I mentioned before we started recording is we, my family, had COVID a couple of weeks ago and we were all down except for my seven-year-old, and so for like seven, eight days, systems were not happening. We were in kind of survival mode, right, and so by the end of it the kitchen felt a little overwhelming, and so I had to do that. I had to say, okay, I'm just gonna do the trash first and then I'm gonna do the, I'm gonna get every like dirty dish in the sink and then I'm gonna like. So it's just like if you can break it down like that, where it just kind of takes off the pressure, and if you're just looking for that one thing at a time, it makes it feel like it moves a little bit quicker too Perfect.

Dana: 31:14

I love that. And I'm looking around my office and I remember you had also said, like one drawer, if it's too much, do one section, one drawer. Because, like the whole, like putting everything in the middle of the room, I'm going, oh God, like yeah, there's, that's whoa, but I like the idea of of that. That's, that's awesome, that's genius, that's genius.

 

Diana Rene: 31:34

And then the other thing I was thinking about when you were talking about your husband, where you were, like you know, maybe I could hold his clothes up for him and he can decide whether or not he wants to keep that specific item. If he's hesitant with decluttering, what I would recommend for him with clothes, if he's open to it, is to do like the hanger trick. So does he hang a lot of his clothes or no? Like the hanger trick.

Dana: 31:57

So if he does he hang a lot of his clothes or no, you know he's got a lot, he's got like clothes everywhere. So he's got, you know, all the extras up above, like you know, of of the closet. But he does do the hanger and he does wear like the similar, the same stuff, like on the regular. So Okay.

Diana Rene: 32:11 

So what I would do is I would see if he's open to this, and if he's not, that's okay, but put all of the hangers backwards so like they're open face towards you.

Dana: 32:21

Okay.

Diana Rene: 32:22

And then in put Mark on your calendar for like six months out and then on that six month date he can go in and he can see what's been used. Okay, A lot of times that a lot of the hangers will still be facing you because when he goes to work and he puts on a new shirt, when he comes home and he does his laundry and he puts it away, he's going to put it on the opposite way, so facing away. So now we know he wore that shirt. So if he's looking at his closet at the end of the six months and he sees 22 shirts that were never worn, he knows okay, I gave it six months and I didn't wear these. Okay, probably going to wear it. But if I didn't wear it in six months and I kept grabbing these seven shirts because I really like how they fit and I like how they look, then I'm probably not going to worry about those Awesome.

Diana Rene: 33:24

OK, I didn't know this was going to turn into like a strategy session, but I'm loving it.

Dana: 33:29

I'm loving it and I'm thinking of like, should I get a list? Of other issues that I have, and then we can, yeah, that's perfect. I mean, I'm making notes as we talk. Okay, awesome, awesome.

Diana Rene: 33:40

So I'm curious with him being, you know, hesitant to decluttering. Has he mentioned anything that he's enjoyed about the house, once you know you've been going through the program, or is he kind of kept to the side?

Dana: 33:54

You know, he really he likes to see the end result and he'll say, wow, I really I finally crossed that off the list. It's been, you know, three years since I've touched that shed, you know. Or he really likes to be like, oh, that's the second load I've taken to the dumpster today, or so he's very he likes to feel like he's doing it himself. Okay, and so that was, you know, and I actually I don't know if I told you this, but I put up a list of like all the stuff that I wanted to throw away. So you know, like we've got eight chairs downstairs. Well, three of them are cat scratched, one is broke, you know.

Dana: 34:34

So I put the list and I said, hey, and I didn't want to nag him because I knew that wouldn't work, because I'm not a nagger either, I'm not very good at it, I'm just like whatever. And so I said did you see the list of stuff that I want to throw away? I put up and he just flipped me off and I said did you just flip me off? And he's like not that guy. So I was like, oh, my gosh.

Dana: 34:58

And um, and I was like well, you know, f you then buddy, and so he's very mad at me and I was like no, I said no, and I said and he goes that's a little passive, aggressive, don't you think? And I'm like, listen, I've tried aggressive, aggressive, tried crying, I've tried all these things. I know you just got to go at your own, your own pace, um, and then then, and then then I would lay down with the baby and take a nap and I'd come out and he's like did you see what I did? Did you see the backyard? So he likes the end result and he likes to see that and he's like I just want to make things nice for you guys. So it's really just, you know, and he and he, he takes pride in his yard and he and but I've been so demanding of him with both of the kids, he's like hasn't had a chance. Yeah, I've been so demanding of him with both of the kids.

Dana: 35:36

He's like hasn't had a chance. Yeah, so it's also, like you said, kind of me relinquishing that control and letting it be his game Right, which can be hard. It is because, you know, when I, when I tend to get like obsessive about stuff. You know, even when I like quit drinking, he's like now, do I have to quit drinking? Like I'm, I don't have an issue with it, and I was like, well, no, but I really want you to, you know.

Dana: 35:58

Or like now I'm decluttering and we're doing the whole house, and he's like dude, I haven't gotten rid of you know, you haven't gotten rid of these boxes from grad school for 10 years, and you still have stuff from elementary school yourself, and so others see what you do. So, yeah, he's really, he's gotten into it. And I'm thinking, well, and now he's like look at my shed, look how great it looks, and I can walk in it. And so he's really proud of what he's done, even more so than I'm really proud too, but he just he's an incredible, just he's been really incredible throughout the whole thing.

Diana Rene: 36:36

So yeah, Well, I love that, and that's the thing is that it's definitely trial and error and when we are going through like essentially a new lifestyle with how we're living in our home, it can there's going to be hiccups with a spouse, especially if they do not. They're not on the same page as you. It's not going to be like 100% smooth sailing. But I love that you have kind of just looked at different ways that you can approach him with it and also just focus on your things and then kind of see how he's been able to grab onto it also.

Dana: 37:12

And I think you said again, like not to be quoting you left and right, but you know, just by saying that, like they see the difference in you, yeah, they see how now I'm taking pride in myself, in our stuff, and I think what do they say? You know, your, your home reflects your mental state, your inner, your inner brain. So there's a lot of stuff and issues and negative aspects, like they're tied to your stuff, that's going to affect you mentally.

Diana Rene: 37:39

Right, absolutely. And then that, yeah, that flows into every other area of your life, exactly. Yeah, well, dana, I am so thrilled to hear how things have been going and I'm excited to continue to hear your updates with the systems and routines. But I just want to say thank you for coming on, and is there any last things you want to make sure you say?

Dana: 38:03

Just I honor you and thank you so much and I just really appreciate you and you're doing incredible things, and I think you've also really given people a permission slip, so to speak, to show their mess, whereas before you know, nobody wants to admit it, but people will be on, you know, in your group on Facebook and be like I know this is kind of scary, but everybody else shows it and here it is. So it's given people a different freedom, more than just getting rid of their stuff. So I just thank you so much for this opportunity. I've got my little notes here and ready to attack.

Diana Rene: 38:38

Yeah, Well, I appreciate you and you coming on and sharing your story. And since you mentioned the members group, isn't that like the? It's such an oddity for a Facebook group, but isn't it like the most supportive group of?

Dana: 38:52

women it is, and people come on and be like, oh my God, I just you know, and then it just the change in people from, oh my God, I just I hate myself, I hate my house, to look at what I've done. I've done incredible things, you know. So it's, it's just touching everybody in so many different ways. Other, you know, like I said, other than just the stuff it's making mental mental help as well.

Diana Rene: 39:17

So, for sure, well, I'm just the guide. You guys are the ones doing all the hard work, so I honor you also, as you've gone through the whole process and you've stuck with it, and I love that you're getting the results from it.

Dana: 39:25

Yeah Well, thank you so much Appreciate Thanks for having me.

Diana Rene: 39:28

Thanks so much for coming on. Thanks for hanging The Decluttered Mom out and listening to podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world If you could write a review or share this episode with a friend or your Instagram stories. And if you're on Instagram, be sure to follow me at thedeclutteredmom and send me a DM to say hi. I'd love to hear what you thought about today's episode. I hope you'll come back next week and hang out with us again.